Right now I'm feeling fairly upbeat. I've been battling some depression this week, so a respite now and again is nice.
I need to re-evaluate what brings me back to me. When I'm feeling discouraged or emotionally under the weather, what can I do to nurture myself?
Not enable myself to destructive habits, like eating cheese by the handful and staying up 'til 1:30a.m. watching Netflix movies -- which I've been doing. But really nurture myself. Like, a slow ritual of lighting a candle and deep breathing and stretching out like a languid cat. Burning incense and reading.
Or finding joy in art again. Going to a museum. Visiting friends.
Journaling.
Ug.
Yes. I love journaling. And yes, I've been avoiding it lately. I definitely find myself when I journal. But if you are depressed and don't want to look too closely at yourself for fear of finding something you don't want to own up to, journaling is hard.
I just got off the phone with N. It was encouraging and ... peaceful. Talking things out with him is always salve on my wounds. Comforting.
***
My cup of tea is done, and this blog post didn't end up being very long because I got sucked into the BlogHer/Facebook vortex. Whups.
There are so many things whirling around in my head right now. One of the things N and I talked about today was me not saying the things on my mind because I fear confusing people (or worse, looking like a wastecase) when I say the complete opposite the next day -- or even a few hours later! But ...
... maybe -- in an effort to be more authentic and up to the moment (which is like "in the now" but more), I will start blogging the things I don't say.
We'll see.
It might get too fucked up in here.
I might rescind that plan.
See?
I'm doing it already.
I said I was going to do something, but maybe I won't actually do it.
***
What about you? Do you always say what's on your mind?
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