Free Healthy Food!

Paul and I have a new food budget. 

We have four people in our family, but we often feed our friends or our children's friends when they come to visit. And our house is often full.

Nevertheless, we are trying to stick to $600/month.

My mother-in-law, perhaps rightly, scoffs at trying to do this during the holidays.

"People always buy more food in November and December," she says.

Well. I'm still trying. And, for the record, when we do inevitably (because we've only recently started this new food budget) go over, I know it immediately. I agonize over it. I'm looking for different places to shop; I talk myself out of buying organic produce this one time. 

I give myself huge kudos for this because BEFORE, we didn't have a budget. I didn't know when I'd spent too much ... it would take months (or longer) to realize that I was spending enormous amounts of money for food. (One month I recorded it at $1200.) So, I'm glad of where I've gotten to so far.

But I certainly want to keep improving. 

I know we can stick to our food budget. 

And the sooner I can make that a reality ('cuz I do the majority of the grocery shopping), the more comfortable our wait for our Costa Rican dream will be.

I was aching for the peace and warmth of Osa Mountain Village this morning.

I didn't get enough sleep last night.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. I'm feeling stressed and restless and out of sorts.

The holidays are coming up and I'm only partly prepared. (I need to make some more lists! Then I'll feel better. Why didn't I think of this before?)

Paul's surgery is coming up.

And this morning? I just wanted to be on Osa Mountain in a little casita rental, watching my house being built.

I thought about emailing Jim, the land owner over there, and just saying 'hi' and that I was missing Costa Rica. But then I worried that my contacting him would remind him that he's still waiting for his money for the land. So I didn't do it.

Instead I looked over a current newsletter. And funny enough, it was talking about food.

Free food. 

Wouldn't that be nice right now? ;)

(This is a Starfruit tree.)

Here's an excerpt from the newsletter:

           90% of food cost is in packaging and transport. So true!

          Our goal is to create 100% "Food Security" using our 750+ acres and by trading 

          with local farmers. So easy to be a 'locavore' here!

          We've already planted over 2,300 fruit trees.  Close to 40 varieties!  

          Guava, Mango, Mamone, 5 types of oranges, many other kinds of citrus, 4 types of 

          avocado, bananas and plantains ... [etc.] 

          [And] we are using a vertical system for growing 38 varieties of veggies, herbs and

          spices. The system allows us to grow vast quantities of veggies organically in a small

          area.  

          

         The first two greenhouses are already built...     I so can't wait to get going on this.

Oh yeah.

One more thing to worry about.

We still haven't heard about the financing.

The lender says it "looks good" but we still haven't gotten the call from the title company to come in and close. 

Cross your fingers, Everybody!

And here's to hoping you have a wonderful holiday season and that you have plenty of food to eat wherever you are.

Blessings and Namaste.

December is my "Mad World."

It's all craziness over here.
Well.
Maybe not craziness.
But
a certain feeling of ....
needing to recuperate is settling in
And it's not even Christmas yet!

Paul has been having doctor's appointments galore and just two days ago, on Monday, he had an angiogram to take still more pictures of his Arterial-Venal Malformation. The radiologist thought he might be able to do an intervention during the angiogram (funny name for it -- it means to put some sort of coil, "cement", or particle into the vein to stop up the blood flow from going to a place it's not supposed to be going.) However, the situation looked too big and scary to rush into. Dr. Z wanted to make sure he was doing the exact right surgery for Paul (there are a few options) and to make sure he had enough of the equipment he needed to finish the procedure properly.

Paul has three big veins (the size of an adult male's pinky finger in diameter) on one side of his pelvis, and one big vein on the other side of it. This means lots of fast moving blood is feeding an area that isn't supposed to see that much, resulting in an "aneurysm" the size of one of his kidneys. It's huge. Every time a medical professional sees this balloon of blood on an ultrasound or CT scan, they very unprofessionally say, "Wow! That's huge!" and go and get another medical professional to come and look at it -- who then says the same thing.

There are a few options open to him regarding the surgery(ies) that he can have. Right now an expert on Arterial-Venal Malformations (AVM's) from Minnesota is looking at a CD of photos from Paul's angiogram to give his advice to our radiologist and vascular surgeon. Well. Paul's radiologist and vascular surgeon. (I was just guilty of turning this into a we situation -- like when men say "We're pregnant" -- when it is so clearly happening to Paul.)

Another doctor's appointment on Monday will let us see the photos from the angiogram and hear what the expert in Minnesota advises. And then on Thursday, Paul will have surgery (or a "procedure" depending on Monday's outcome). They've also blocked out time on the 30th of this month for another surgery if it is needed.

Procedural options:

1) the radiologist can go up his femoral artery again (like in the angiogram) and push a platinum wire up the catheder. The wire will coil up into a large vein, blocking the blood from rushing into the anuerysm from that side. Then he'll do it again and again in the other veins. (By the way, Paul has more than four, but those are the big ones and Dr. Z doesn't want to cut off all the blood supply to his other pelvic organs.)('Cuz, you know, that could be problematic.)

The theory is, without the blood flow to the balloon, this bubble of blood will clot and then dissolve over time and/or shrink down. This will take the pressure off Paul's internal organs and will not cause him pain and discomfort anymore.

At the same time as the "coil" procedure is happening, Dr. Z will also put in a filter (it acts as an umbrella in the vein) higher up by his lungs. This will be insurance against the hopefully small possibility of part of the "clot" from breaking off and turning into a real blood clot. Pulmunary Embolisms are fatal, dontcha know.

Paul said, "What's the difference from a blood clot getting caught in the filter or the lungs? Both of them block off the artery/vein." Dr. Z said, "If it gets caught in the filter, I can fix that. I can melt it away and remove it. If it goes to your lungs, you die. Instantly."

Nice.

So we're a little creepified right now.

Option #2) They do the above procedure, but instead of waiting for the aneurysm to dissolve and shrink, once it gets hard like a scab, a vascular surgeon (Dr. S) will go in and surgically remove the grapefruit-sized chuck of pain and repair and reconnect the veins.

They might also do this if we try option 1 and during the "hard" stage (before it gets to dissolving), it just gets way too painful for Paul. His discomfort and pain will get worse after the procedure. We're just hoping that time period is small and manageable. If not ... that's when option 2 would be necessary.

Option #3 isn't really an option right now. Both Dr. Z and Dr. S think it is risky and are hoping to not go there. At least that's my impression. Option 3 would be to forego the coil procedure altogether and go straight for surgery. Just cut the bastard out of there and sew up the holes. This would be scary scary though. Way too much blood. Especially because of the arterial connection. And the aneurysm is very deep in the pelvis. Hard to get to. The combination is fairly dangerous.

Again. Those are my words, but that's the vibe I got from the doctors.

So, we find out Monday which of the options we are going with. Thursday he'll have the procedure, and stay overnight for safety and observation. Hopefully, if all goes way, he'll get to come home on Christmas Eve.

If he needs another follow up procedure -- because the first one is taking too long or something -- he'll go in on December 30th (two days after his birthday and the day before New Year's Eve.)

It doesn't feel like Winter Solstice.
It doesn't feel like Christmas.
I don't feel like celebrating much.
I feel like wishing and hoping and being grateful.
And not taking things for granted.
And not taking people for granted.

Perhaps I'm being melodramatic.
Perhaps this is fairly routine. (His condition is rare, but the procedures and surgeries he'd have are not.) But it's hard to keep my past out of this. My baggage is weighing heavy this week.

Take a Walk on the Wild Side

Right now, at Osa Mountain Village -- our hopeful new home, many paths are being cut out of the jungle by hand (or shovel). These paths will make the jungle available to both the tourists (on the jungle tours and night jungle tours) and to us residents who fancy a lovely walk in Nature.

Waiting

I hate waiting

For word

On our financing.

Fuck.

A Bio of Sorts

I am supposed to be writing a bio of Paul and me to send to the folks at Osa Mountain Village. Since we are all coming from around the world to live together in this community, the web designer wants to include info on us on the webpage so we can get to know who our neighbors will be.

I've been avoiding it. Writer's block, I could say. But mostly it is not knowing how to summarize ourselves in a paragraph enough to get our new neighbors to like us. It's a bit like internet dating.

So, I thought I'd share my writing process with you. I started just free-writing and eventually the bio appeared. At the end. Of course. :)

I did, however, know exactly what picture I wanted to use for our bios:

Bio for Osa Mountain Village:

Hi future neighbors! We’re so excited about joining you and living in Costa Rica with our family. Our hope is to make the full-time move in the summer of 2013. I know. It sounds forever away. (Sigh) But that’s the way it will have to work for us. Maybe that will give us the time to learn some Spanish – ‘cuz we know about six words. And. It seems important that we would learn some before moving to a Spanish-speaking country. You know? 

I’m supposed to be writing a bio for my husband and myself, so that you will know a little about us. Wouldn’t it be cool if we were able to make friends before we actually all moved in next door to one another?

Why I want to move to OMV: for the adventure of moving to a new country, for the increased time that I’ll be able to spend with my family (especially my husband who works long hours with unpredictability in his schedule), and so we can have the sheer joy and excitement of starting our own businesses and working for ourselves. We could perhaps have done this in the States, but it would’ve taken us far longer to accomplish because of the cost of living being higher here – and the market for our businesses being saturated.

What we hope to get from OMV: an increased feeling of community. I want to know my neighbors and have our children play with yours. I want to work towards common goals (sustainability, permaculture, living off grid, sharing responsibilities, community-building, etc). I want to make new friends and live through new experiences. I want to write about all of it.

A little about us:

Paul is a thinker. He sits back and listens. He smiles and likes to joke around with our kids. He’s silly. He’s great one-on-one or in small (5 people?) groups. Not so much with anything bigger. He’s a leader. He’s a superb salesman. He looks at the big picture. He likes to write, act, and talk politics. Lefty progressive politics. He’s agnostic and an existentialist, but will talk about Jesus and the Bible with you as long as you don’t pray for his conversion to Christianity. He likes live music … all of it. Especially anything with a bluesy hint to it. He loves watching movies and reading but also wants to get out more in the world and experience and be more active. And to connect with those around him on a deeper level.

Valerie is an experiencer. That’s how she relates to the world. Dips in and swims around in it and THEN thinks about what just happened. She’s passionate about whatever she’s doing or learning about. In the last year that’s been: writing, knitting, unschooling her kids, urban homesteading, eating healthier, advocating for her son’s needs at his new school, Bikram yoga, No Shame Theatre, communicating on a deeper level with her husband, living an alternative sexual lifestyle, traveling, making new friends and loving everyone. She’s a lousy housekeeper and doesn’t like cooking, mostly because she forgets about dinner until 5:45pm and then has to think of something quick – which often turns out to not be very healthy. She loves reading and has bookshelves of books she hasn’t yet read but still compulsively buys. She’s writing a memoir right now and has a blog or two in her pocket. When she moves to Costa Rica, she will miss Bikram yoga, decaf lattes (why is there no decaf coffee in Costa Rica??), and her Smart phone. And Netflix! And wearing a scarf on chilly days. But mostly her best friends Tamara and Julian.

Oh. And she’s not religious. Organized religion scares the crap out of her … but she identifies as pagan. 

So there it was. In the last bit. I often have to "clear my throat" on the page before I can get to the meat of what I want. Of course, I'll still have to edit it a bit and polish it, but the meat is there. And for those of you that actually know us in person, have I hit the mark? Is that a good representation of us?

How Vacations Lead Me To A Job Hunt ...

We want to visit Costa Rica twice a year. We want to witness the growing of the Osa Mountain Village community, and to meet our neighbors and grow our connections with them even before we move there. And we just want to vacation there 'cuz it's cool! :)

It's funny. I've spent a couple of years feeling nostalgic for something that I've never had ... and now I almost do.
Lots of times I've found myself envious (in the most polite way, of course) of those families that vacationed at the same place every year. You know the ones. That cabin at that lake that you remember going to since you were ten? Now you've started bringing *your* kids to it?

It wasn't *real* envy. I didn't pine for that imaginary cabin. I just sort of wistfully thought it would've been nice to have had that experience when I had been a kid. But it didn't happen, so, oh well. But. Should I want that for my kids? Should I figure out a way to get that for them?

That's what went through my head for a couple of years. But I didn't really do much about it. It kind of already happens by default with the Massachusetts trip every summer. My kids do have that every-summer-trip-since-they-can-remember trip. But the crappy part for me and Paul, is that it doesn't happen with us.

So. Costa Rica. The house in Costa Rica can be that for us while we are prepping for our move there.

Once we live there, we'll have to come up with a new one. :)

The challenge we now face is that if we want to visit Costa Rica once or twice a year .... we need the money to do it. *snort*

Ok. So, trying to cinch our budget to fit my income -- leaving Paul's for Aubrey's private tuition and rental expenses for Aniela in Portland -- doesn't leave any room for a vacation fund.

"We'll just have to put it on a credit card then," I said to Paul two nights ago.

"No."

Well, there was more to it than that. Something about the cost of a trip divided by twelve monthly installments, the total being paid off before putting another trip on the cards meant affording a trip every two years. Hmmm.

So how were we going to afford the trips?

"You just need to get a job," Paul said.

Now, let me explain something about myself.

I am not a slacker.

By any stretch on the imagination.

Even though this weekend I spent almost 40 hours of it either in the hot tub or laying in bed.

My first paying job (other than babysitting) I obtained at thirteen years old. And I've worked every year since then ... with a few months off a year. UNTIL .... my husband died in the year 2000. Then I didn't have to work. And I've been sooooooo grateful for that opportunity. I've been helping my family live and eat on Social Security Survivor Benefits and Veterans Affairs DIC income. I feel blessed and so lucky that this was the case when Rob died. I know that other widows are not that fortunate.

So, a job.

"It can even be from your writing! Sell your book! Write articles for magazines! We just need the extra money if we want to do any traveling," Paul said.

I earned my massage therapist licensure a couple years back. I could re-activate that and work as someone's employee instead of for myself. Maybe my chiropractor friend would hire me to work in his office.      But.       I would have to go back to school to earn my extra CEU's to get current on my license requirements and pay the license and insurance fees .... and I definitely don't have the money for that.

I looked on craigslist this morning. For jobs. (I keep typing "jogs" ... I wonder if that means anything.)
I think a good job for me would be working as a barista in a local coffee shop, or in a bookstore. A health food store like Sundance would be awesome, too. Something part-time and that wouldn't require me to use child care. 'Cuz my income would get all eaten up from paying that.

So that limits me a lot.

That must mean that I need to concentrate on my writing. :)

See how I turned that around?

I'm brilliant.

But I'm not afraid of hard work. Really.

Just practical.

I'll keep looking and at the same time, beef up my querying and writing of shorter pieces as well as FINISHING MY MEMOIR so I can start marketing it.


... and, oh yeah, AUTHOR PLATFORM. *sigh*
I really must start working on that !!!!!!!!

Pleasures -- from 2/15/06

These are the pleasures I have known:

The sound of running water.
The sound of water splashing in a fountain.
The sound of water rushing rippling over rocks in a river bed.
The chaise lounge in a beautiful garden on a beautiful patio.

Holding hands with my lover.
Smiling with a friend.
Reading a good author.
Writing something that feels true.

The texture of honey in my mouth.
Hearing my lover moan because of something I did.
Seeing my children's eyes sparkle with joy and enthusiasm.
Watching my sleeping babies.
Seeing our dog's delight when running as fast as she can.

Snuggling with my children before they are too old and don't want to anymore.
Discovering a story in a painting.
Talking about art and the emotions it arouses in me.
Sculpting the essence of a face and waiting for the soul that comes through to introduce him or herself to me.

Freedom.
Sobbing and screaming while another held me and just witnessed my grief.
Creating.
Exploring foreign lands.
Feeling a part of the Divine.
Nature.

A sense of belonging.