maybe it's not mine after all

despair. a good day turned black fog.
Julia Stone's This Love
brings panic, a scrambling and nostalgia for a time
barely dead.

rising above the smog to the pristine crispness of your face and the firmness of your jaw
I reach for your soul
my own salvation
and turn off the lights to my hope.
maybe it's not mine after all.
maybe I'm hurting us anew.

from dark to light to dark again
my spirit fluctuates
dims and brightens with the sound of your voice
over the miles.

exhaustion is the plain unromantic truth
and sustainability is a mirage.

tsunami and drought
butterflies and grubs
mt. everest and the grand canyon
water and clay.

crushing vascillations,
doubt reproducing like
cell division.

rising above the smog to the pristine crispness of your face and the firmness of your jaw

I reach for your soul

my own salvation

and turn off the lights to my hope.

maybe it's not mine after all.

maybe I'm hurting us anew.

I'm here with you

Hiding under dupatta

Listening to jingles when I walk

Echoes of laughter

Wonderment

Memories

Coming alive

I wish

I want

I learn

I cry

I feel

I swim

I drown

I rise to the surface.

Sleepless nights

Phone calls in darkness

After nightmares.

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

Bouncing on toes

Barefeet

Fingers in the air

Sweating

And spinning

And love

And yearning

And hope

For more days

For better days

For neverending days

With you, with you, with you.

Incense billows and fills in the cracks

Ganesha smiles and reassures

Pink quartz and Namascar

Floating through it all

The room

The bodies

The anxiety

And even pain

It won’t last

It’s transient

Like all other things

Joy and peace

And contentment

With reality

The reality I’ve chosen

The one with you in it

Are coming my way

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

I’m here with you.

Pulling Myself Up and Out

Crunchy dead Yule tree

Presents unwrapped

House boxed up

Waiting

Waiting

How to wait

In happiness

That’s what I want to know

How to live in the present

And find joy

And have

Gratitude

For what I experience and own and feel and live

Right

Now

Music

Dance

Friends

Entertaining

Watching movies

With

With

With

Those friends

And

Not

Alone

I promise

Uncovering

Self

From under

The snow

Time

With myself

Honoring

Understanding

Loving

Celebrating

With pink cheeks

And cold nose

Breath puffs in the air

I will

I will

I will

I will live

And love

Me.

I’ll be alone

And not alone

Rejoicing in the coolness of me.

South Asian Challenge 2012 -- Because.

Ok.
Because I don't have anything better to do (Ha ha ha,) I'm signing up for this challenge.
And.
I will read ... 8 books this year either about South Asia, or written by a South Asian person.
In addition to all my other reading pursuits.
Because ...