Am I a Fiction Snob?

Because I've been reading non-fiction almost exclusively lately, I have challenged myself to pick up fiction. I never really thought of myself as a fiction snob, but I frequently am disappointed about the novels I pick up.

And I don't know why.

I'm interested in discovering this answer, both as a reader and a writer.

As a reader, I obviously want to be swept away to another time or place, fall in love with the characters, and/or be otherwise entertained. I usually stick to literary or mainstream fiction because I prefer a strong character arc to my books. I don't care so much about the plot, and I lovelovelove beautiful language.

I assumed that genre novels (romance, scifi/fantasy, mystery/thriller, horror) didn't focus on character development and were more akin to Hollywood blockbusters for the ADHD crowd.

But that's ungenerous.

So I've specifically challenged myself to read more genre fiction. I purchased seven genre e-books--mostly romance, but two darker ones. I thought maybe the romances would surprise me. I do, after all, enjoy romantic comedies. Though, I have to admit that my favorite rom-coms are independent ones, and not the Hollywood blockbuster ones. (Strike one for genre.) And my only experience with romance novels were a couple of unfortunate Danielle Steels and Victoria Holt's gothic romance in my high school years, Harlequins in middle school, and some Nora Roberts when I was desperate for a book to read in my early thirties.

But that's ungenerous. Again.

So maybe I am a fiction snob.

But that doesn't add up either, because there are plenty of "classics" and award-winning novels that I couldn't wrap my head around (or even understand sometimes) and even stopped reading before the end--unheard of in my earlier days of reading.

I think what I really am attracted to is voice. The author's voice.

So, as a writer, I'm interested in what makes me turn the pages as a reader. What is it about an author's voice that I like?

That's harder to identify. And--it seems--is completely subjective. Which makes it hard to duplicate as a writer.

Right now, I am reading Crescent, by Diana Abu-Jaber. More mainstream fiction. I know, I know.

But what's a girl to do with a To Be Read pile like this?

I'll read one of the new genre e-books next. Promise.

Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde -- a review

Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde, by Rebecca Dana.

3 out of 5 stars

Published: 2013, G.P. Putnam’s Sons

Summary: Rebecca suffers from a crappy break-up and moves away from her beloved Manhattan, where she writes about $1400.00 shoes, into a shared apartment in Brooklyn’s Lubavitch community with a not-so-rabbi rabbi.

Review:  Giving Dana’s book only three stars because I thought it was going to include more rabbi comedy smacks of injustice, I know. But, I can’t give it four stars because it didn’t wow me.

She’s a great writer. Her years of journalism allow her to effortlessly sock you with sensory details that the average reader (or writer) wouldn’t even know was missing, until you read her work.

Her humor is self-deprecating, just the way I like it. And the pervading sense throughout her memoir is one of hope, despite – or maybe because of – her seeking and questioning. And she does it with such honesty.

“Everything I knew felt half true. I hated Crown Heights, except the parts I loved. I adored Fashion Week, except that I also loathed it. I lived for my colleagues, worshipped Tina and Edward, was happy writing silly stories about Tiger Woods and stripper heels, but also felt a kind of hollowness in the abstract, that nagging pointlessness pulling at my clothes.”

Who couldn’t relate to that?

I mean, I don’t know Tina, Edward, or Tiger Woods, but I have often felt that conundrum-y pulling of hating and loving something at the same time – and not knowing what to do about it.

Jujitsu Rabbi and the Godless Blonde shares fascinating snippets of Lubavitcher lifestyle (an ultra-Orthodox branch of Judaism), New York City’s Fashion Week, and how to walk the night streets of a dangerous neighborhood in Brooklyn. (Hint: it involves rapping.)

As a lover of memoir (and an author of one), I really liked that she ended her book with how she’d grown as a character in her own life story. I wasn’t left wondering, “Now what was that book about?”  I connected with her, felt myself resonate with her personal trials (even though my life is vastly different than hers), and ended up wanting to have a cheeseburger with Jujitsu Rabbi and his rubber band smile.

Worth reading.

South Asian Challenge 2012 -- Because.

Ok.
Because I don't have anything better to do (Ha ha ha,) I'm signing up for this challenge.
And.
I will read ... 8 books this year either about South Asia, or written by a South Asian person.
In addition to all my other reading pursuits.
Because ...

Secret Lessons from Grief and Books, and the Traditions You Pass On To Your Children

Strange.
Emotional spilling over.

While reading a book, I move from one scene to the next -- one sentence to the next -- and start to cry. With no hint of a reason why.

Soooo Many Books To Read

A surprising, or not so surprising, by-product of attending writers conferences, is the books you end up buying that you weren't planning on. I came home with four more (not counting the review copy of Tasting Rain that was waiting in the mail box upon my return) books than I left with.

I justified them all.

Duh.

First of all, The Chronology of Water was mandatory because it's a memoir. And I write memoir, so I need to read memoir for research purposes. (See how I justified that?) Lydia Yudnavitch's writing is brilliant. Lyrical. Random. Poetic. Like how I like to write. Picked at random: page 115 shares when she met Ken Kesey the first time:

"And Only to Deceive"

Hooray! I have re-discovered it!

Apparently this is a first book in a series of mysteries during this time period. I can't wait to read the rest of them.

Tasha Alexander, here I come.

I don't know the title or the author ... Damn!

Things I remember about the book:

*kind-of a gothic, Jane Austen type

*main character was a young widow who didn't know her husband (he'd died shortly after marrying her and it wasn't a marriage of love on her part)

*she found his journals and fell in love with him post-humonously after reading through them

*her late husband was interested in Greek antiquities and collected them

*she discovered a great cover-up of original pieces being sold and copies of them being secretly exchanged and displayed in a famous British museum.

*she and the best friend of her late husband fall in love at the end of the book.

*"On" is the first word of the title. Probably. And I thought "desire" was in there somewhere, too. But maybe not. And I've googled "On Wings of Desire" and that's not it. (Thank God.)

Ok, so don't judge me because I really liked this book. But I'm dying to find this again. I borrowed the book from my mother-in-law on our cruise this past April. I read it on the boat, gave it back to her, I went home, she stayed in Europe. She read the book, didn't like it and LEFT IT IN EUROPE ON PURPOSE! (Sigh.)

So neither of us remember the title or the author. :(

Anybody happen to know what book this is?

"A Fine Mess: Living and Parenting Simpler, Greener, Cheaper, and Wiser"

I was invited to write a review for an upcoming book by fellow blogger, Michelle Kennedy Hogan a while ago. Her title peaked my curiosity, "A Fine Mess: Living and Parenting Simpler, Greener, Cheaper and Wiser," because this is my own mission -- to help my children and me to live simply, albeit the mess maybe. My favorite quote from the book is: "In the effort is the example, I believe." And so I leave this with you as you contemplate Michelle's new book.

She starts out by asking a few questions: What does money mean to my family? And what is our definition of success? Or how does one go from "making a living to making a life?" These are all questions I've already asked myself, but if I am honest haven't really answered. But Michelle does.

A large part of the book speaks to green and inexpensive ways to raise a baby. Even a checklist on how to save money with a newborn and all the stuff they seem to need. At one point I started to get discouraged with all the nurturing, inspirational advice that I wished I'd had when I was pregnant. Where was this book then?! But don't despair if your kids are over five, as mine are, there are other fabulous insights shared on living your core values and raising kids simply, like eating well and instilling work ethic and joy of learning in the children.

There's a wonderful section on self-employment and creating multiple streams of income for yourself. As I read it I had my own list going and I'm happy to report I quickly came up with 20 products or services I could sell at our local Saturday/Farmer's Market.

She neatly parries the thrusts of "But I don't have enough money to start my own business" with multiple examples of small businesses I'd never thought of that could be run on a "shoestring" to start out.

Michelle includes charming anecdotes from her life -- like how she came to not be a cattle rancher, and the first time she tried making maple syrup. These are both enjoyed for their humility and humor, but also for the inside look at what living on a farm would be like (something I secretly crave).

And on days when she feels like hiding under the covers, her simple message still does not change. Instead she remembers why she does it. It is her unswerving belief that learning to live this type of lifestyle and "keeping these skills alive is so important in these times of great uncertainty." That "[surviving and living] without having to depend on Walmart or the grocery store to come to our aid" is the right and true course.

But what I really appreciate about Michelle Hogan's writing style in "A Fine Mess" is there is no heavy-handedness. No judgement. And that while she grows most of her food and raises chickens and sheep for meat and eggs, she's not adverse to fudge-covered Oreos and t.v.!

And she's honest: "So rather than try and be the bastion of simple and ecological living, I try and make the changes where I can and make the effort. In the effort is the example, I believe. By home-schooling, growing our food, cooking from scratch, bringing our own bags to the store, recycling, reusing, not buying what we don't need, buying used, not going into debt and the like I hope to balance out the areas where we are not so green or thrifty." (For her this is driving an SUV -- but what other rig would hold nine people?!)

Read this book. You'll come away with a charged mission and new life goals -- or at the very least the desire to buy (or make!) a baby sling.

Michelle Kennedy Hogan is the mother of six (almost seven) children. She is the author of 14 books including the 2005 bestseller, "Without a Net: Middle Class and Homeless (With Children) in America." Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Christian Science Monitor, Salon.com, Redbook, Family Circle and many other publications. She contributes to NPR and frequently speaks to groups on topics like poverty, homelessness, frugality, homeschooling and going "green." She was an organic farmer for many years, but now makes her home in Green Bay, Wisconsin where she is developing an urban homestead.

Look for "A Fine Mess" in June 2009!

Personality Types: Estp's, Infp's, and Enfj's ... O MY!

I just finished reading a book about different personality types (based on the Meyers-Briggs tests) and how to nurture our kids while taking those personality types into account. For instance, Aubrey is (based on my feeble attempts at 'labeling' her) a "INFP -- introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiving".

Therefore, she needs an enormous amount of "constant love, reassurance and protection from a busy high-pressured and sometimes unfeeling world." She can "tend to become moody, pessimistic and negative when she feels unloved or unwanted." She values close relationships and has a great need to have harmony around her.

I'm instructed to "heap on a steady measure of reassurance, love, supportive looks, touches and encouraging comments." Her self-esteem comes from feeling understood and accepted.

A side-bar in the book tells me what "works" for INFP's.

*provide lots of books; read to them constantly.

*go to the library regularly and have own library card.

*expose her to cultural arts.

*speak softly, use gentle voice and maintain physical and eye contact when you correct a misbehavior.

*apologize quickly and sincerely if you lose your temper or raise your voice to her.

*encourage her to talk about her ideas; listen quietly and give her your undivided attention.

*respect the legitimacy of imaginary life

*encourage her to express feelings in words or in drawings. listen and carefully rephrase their feelings to help them clarify them.

*allow her to watch from the sidelines as long as she needs before joining in and give her plenty of time to play alone or simply daydream.

*respect the intensity of her feelings

*support intellectual curiosity and artistic expression.

*help her find ways to keep herself organized and on time; model how to set and meet goals.

*appeal to her feelings and values in times of conflict or disagreement.

*get her ideas and input on alternative ways to solve problems; give her plenty of advance notice about changes that affect her personally.

*help her make decisions by explaining that few choices are irrevocable.

Most of the information was stuff I already felt in my gut, but now had validation or permission to acknowledge. I have always instinctually treated Aubrey with more tenderness and have always been concerned about her sensitivity in many areas of her life. From not hurrying her too much, and acknowledging the absolute fairyness in her play, to asking Paul to not tease her because she took it too personally.

I have wondered if I perpetuated her sensitivity and tender feelings by treating her so gently and looking out for her like that -- Paul certainly believed it -- but now I feel :) vindicated, of a sort. I was right all along.

Joey-Boy is an ESTP (extraverted, sensing, thinking perceiving).

He needs: "plenty of hands-on experiences, crystal clear directions and expectations and more physical freedom than just about any other type." He "rarely take anything seriously, so rules, limits and boundaries just don't affect him." He "likes being naked and dislikes restrictive feelings of some clothing" (like coats and underwear -- my italics). He's drawn to water, dirt, mud and the beach. (yes, this is all Joey. The book has him spot-on.)

I need to: "supply him with enough activities, friends and excitement to keep him from becoming bored, cranky and mischievous." Apparently, "empathy, tact and sensitivity are learned skills for ESTP's." (Lovely.) "Parents need to explain, clearly and unemotionally, the logic of why they (or anyone else) feels the way they do in response to his actions."

They suggest making a game out of chores, to give them plenty of opportunities to solve their own problems, and to try to minimize the number of unnecessary limits. And also to "state values clearly and simply and not over-charge the topic with unnecessary emotion." It works better they tell me.

ESTP's self-esteem comes from trying new things and mastering them on their own. "Helping [Joey] find constructive and useful outlets for his great energy, open-mindedness and zest for living helps him to feel good about the person he is." It may also prove helpful when Joey is an adolescent, to remind him that "there are many different kinds of intelligence and many kinds of achievement."

The side-bar for ESTP's looks like this:

*find unending and constructive outlets for their high physical energy; playgrounds, play with him, wear him out! (this sounds exhausting to me)

*childproof your house!

*show patience with the repeated questions and stream of consciousness speaking; take breaks as needed, but don't give them the wrong impression that they are pests for noticing the world the way they do.

*set crystal clear boundaries and show them what you mean, rather than telling.

*Be consistent in enforcing rules, say what you mean and mean what you say.

*swift action and immediate, logical consequences are more effective than words.

*Be realistic about order, neatness and wisdom of breakables, while child is young at least.

*Rephrase the thoughtless comments they make; repeat back to them a revised and more tactful version.

*model patience, sharing and negotiating skills.

*make chores a game; put on music and clean things up as you dance.

*use fun as an incentive; reward initiative or dependability with trips to the .... (I personally disapprove of this strategy.)

*explain why you or someone else feels as they do; explain the emotional and personal consequences of their behavior.

*use reality based, hands on learning.

So my confession here is that I was exhausted, discouraged and even slightly belligerent while reading about the ESTP's. As a different personality type than my son (I lean toward enfj status), my motivations are ones of love, friendship and understanding. I'm empathic and intuitive and to know that "empathy, tact and sensitivity [will be] learned skills" for him makes me cringe. It sounds borderline sociopathic. In a quirky, fun-loving way, of course.

Most of what I read, again, was stuff I already knew and cater to. I've started up the weekly trips to the park, he goes weekly to a gymnastics open gym where he can run and bounce galore, I try to get in a couple of field trips a month for him, and I home-school him so the "sit in your seat and don't make noise" is at a minimum. Well, gone actually, because we are more of an un-schooling household, as opposed to one with a curriculum based home-schooling approach.

But coming from a person that would much rather sit and read, or write on my novel, or work my arts and crafts ... or travel to exotic lands and learn about alternative lifestyles and cultures (ok, so that one might not fit ... though, truthfully, I don't think Joey would be interested in that either), playing tag in the park doesn't do it for me. His level of need for physically energy-depleting activities creates in me the desire to breathe slow. In a cave of feather blankets. And hibernate.

Random

We had book club tonight. Well, I did. Paul dropped out. He wasn't having any fun. He enjoyed the conversations, but he wouldn't read any of the books. :)

Aubrey went skating with a friend and ended up going to their house afterwards and staying for dinner.

Joey hung out with Dad on the computer all day. (I REAALLLY hope this isn't too scarring for him. It sounds so terribly bad for him.)

I ran errands: bank and shopping at two different stores to get the most bags of groceries for my dollars. Also to Bed, Bath and Beyond (yes, I went into a chain store -- it was icky) to get a memory foam mattress pad for Paul. The hard bed we bought him for his sciatica is too hard for him. :) He says it feels like sleeping on the floor.

To bed now. Sleepy after two glasses of wine. The strawberries, organic goat cheese and rice crackers were yummy and the conversation was delightful.

We have six more books picked out for the next six months of book club meetings.

See ya all around!

It's turning around -- A Good Day Today

Had a great day today.

Cleaned and ran errands this morning. Bought some flowers for the front porch that I'm hoping to plant tomorrow, and hosted a crafting circle.

We painted, talked and knitted, and sculpted, too. It was fun and yummy with snacks.

The power went out (someone hit a power poll in our neighborhood) for about an hour, so we ate cold chicken from the fridge and I took the kids to an open gymnastics gym for a couple of hours (and to go somewhere where there was electricity). I went to a coffee shop and ate a gluten filled treat (!!!) and a couple of cups of decaf; read my book, relaxed and listened to some good live fiddle music.

Home now and the kids are having a sleep-over together and watching a video on Robert's player (a special treat only for weekends).

Paul is home now -- no, I'm not going to run out on you, Reader, --  ;)  -- and my plan is to keep reading in bed or on the couch. I'm tempted to watch a movie with Paul, but I'm not drawn to anything and I'd really like to get this bookclub book over so I can start reading some of the stacks I've got lying around.

Some of my newest are:

A visiting homeschooler from Austin, TX showed me how to cast on and how to do the knit stitch today. Let me tell you:  it was awkward and ugly.  (heehee) But I'll keep working on it and maybe someday I will have beautiful projects to gift away like the ones on here and here. 

Another unschooling mama asked me today if it was difficult having one child 'schooled' at home and one in a more traditional setting. (Aubrey's in a public charter Montessori school.)

"Yes," is my answer to that. And the truthful answers to that are: I don't like getting up in the morning and getting HER up in the morning to get her ready for school. And neither does she. And the truth is, I want her home with me. I want her to want to be with me. And she does. Right now. But I'm not stupid; in eighteen months she avoid me like a left-over scab in the bathtub.

But Paul, rightly so, says that that feeling (of wanting her home with me) comes out of my pores and I breathe it on her. She knows, he says. And because of that, there is no point in keeping her in a public school, he says. He believes that if she knows I want her home, and she runs into challenges at school that she won't struggle through them and grow, she'll give up and say, "Oh well. I don't have to do/learn/be assertive here. I can just go home."

Well. What's so wrong with that? I ask you. Don't the rest of you do that, too? I do. If I run against something that doesn't do it for me, I find something else that does. Why waste the time and energy?

The real tragedy is that I almost don't feel comfortable, open or free around Aubrey anymore because of it. I feel like Paul expects me to "lie" about my opinions in this matter so that I don't end up unconsciously manipulating or leading her in any particular direction.

And I DO want whatever Aubrey needs and wants. If she prefers public school, Dude -- I'm there. And I would support her in going if that is what she really wants. But I don't think it is.

But what if I don't believe she wants to continue to go to public school because I want her to not want it?

I Freakin' Missed a Day Already!

Can you believe it?! I already forgot to post one day! Ah!

Yesterday I was exhausted most of the day and wandered around in a fog. My mother-in-law came over Monday afternoon (up from Roseburg) because we both go to a writer's critique group on Monday nights, and then she stays the night. Well, AFTER we got home Monday night after group (around 10 p.m.) we proceeded to watch to FOUR "Lost" episodes. This put me to bed at 1:30 a.m. -- causing the exhaustion and fog yesterday.

We spent most of the day playing "Bananagrams," a super-fabulous-awesome crosswords game that my friend Ginger turned me on to.

I also took Robert to his computer class. He hurt himself just before we left and so we ended up being an hour late for class. (eek) But he did manage to finish drawing the hieroglyphics on his beads for the Egyptian necklace he is making for the class' Egyptian theme.

Time to make oatmeal for Aubrey before she goes off to school....

I will write another post TODAY as an offering to the blog goddesses in the hopes that I may be permitted to buy myself another book this month. I say 'another' because I bought one on the 2nd (Monday) that has been recommended to me by a fellow blogger of inspiration. ("Handmade Homeschool") She knits. And I don't. But I want to. Thus the book.

"Stitch and Bitch."

"Nurture by Nature"

Right now I am reading (among others) this book to "Understand Your Child's Personality Type -- And Become a Better Parent."

Well, crap. How can you pass that up? Paul thinks I'm too easily swayed by what I read, but I think there is just so much information out there that I haven't given any thought to, that I add it to my already bulging files of values, belief structures, and relationships. It's just information. And I helps me determine the kind of person I want to be. What kind of parent I want to be. What kind of artist I want to be.

You get the picture.

Based on what I've read so far ... my son is an "ESTP", Thinking Experiencer with a Sensing Lead. Yeah. Not sure where they are going with that. And my daughter is an "INFP", Feeling Idealist.

More later on what that actually means. :)

Once camera is uploaded, you'll see pictures of our two field trips this past week. The Museum of Natural History and the Downtown Fire Station.

This Saturday we are attending a presentation and slideshow of Iran. And there's a sleepover in the works, too. Busy, Busy!

And if I can figure out how to import video, I'll post a funny one of a hamster up my son's sleeve. Quite the dinner party adventure.