Pulling at loose threads

Joey wants me to lay in bed with him until he falls asleep. I'd love to and am not adverse to the family bed (in fact Aubrey slept with Paul and I last night because she was lonely) -- except I don't want to go to sleep when they do. Or rather, I don't want them to stay up with me. After they are down for the night, I have a chance to talk to Paul; or watch a rated 'R' movie; or soak in a hot bath; or write.

Today the results of the enrollment lottery happened for Ridgeline Montessori school. Currently there are no opening in the 3rd grade class for September. Names were drawn and Robert's name came up #2. So if a spot shows up, like someone moves, and the #1 kid doesn't want the slot, it could/would be offered to Robert.

I'm almost relieved. I really want to unschool both my kids and now that RobertJoey will be home with me again, (unless he's offered a spot within the next few months) Aubrey will be given the option to stay home with us again.

On some days she seems to enjoy going to Ridgeline and likes to interact with the kids. But there are so many things that she would benefit from if she stayed home. The biggest detriment to staying home, is if it didn't work out -- she wouldn't be able to go back to Ridgeline. And Meadowlark really isn't an option in my book. She'd have to go back on a waiting list and go through the lottery process the following year and quite possibly not get in. (Just like Robert.)

So it would be a big decision to stay home.

Any suggestions or words of wisdom?

Making decisions really freaks Aubrey out. She agonizes over them, over making the wrong decision. And she almost always regrets whatever decision she does make. :( It's a little disheartening to me.

Ultimately, I believe that having her home with me will allow me to encourage her spirit so much more. To reassure her that she's fantastic and will always have my unconditional love, no matter what. And for us to stay connected when the going gets tough in the next few years.

My thoughts quagmire. I am restless.