Saturday, December 26, 2009

Reasons


Because he impulsively bought a yellow house with me when we’d only been dating for two months.

Because he loves to prowl around bookstores and drink coffee and watch movies – but that he also digs live music and culture and dancing.

That he likes so much variety in his music and movies; it’s part of what makes him so interesting.

And because he slowly explains Congress stuff to me and pauses West Wing to tell me what’s going on without getting irritated.

Because he cares about the rain forest and treating animals humanely and watches documentaries with me about food and the environment when he’d rather watch a mafia crime movie or boxing.

Because he’ll go to the Bijou with me even though the seats are murderous on him.

That his long slender fingers give me a thrill when I see them.

And because he traces my body under my clothes and that he loves when I wear stretchy pants.

Because he’s beautiful with dark, salty hair and full lips.

Because he buys me sex toys at Castle and brings them home as surprises.

That he asks the wait staff to bring me water with no ice and decaf coffee, and that he knows my drink is a fuzzy navel – and he knows how it’s prepared. (“You’re making that without vodka right?”)

And because he thinks I’m sexy -- though I’m often in denial of it.

Because he believes in me and wants me to live my dreams as artist and writer – or to at least try them on seriously.

Because he doesn’t laugh at me when I’m in earnest, but does when I jump up and down on the couch.

That he seems to have come back to the land of the living and ditched his online game for now.
And because he’s open to trying new things like No Shame and pedicures.

Because he is willing to be One of the Jackai, and that we have other private jokes like Emil the
Tentmaker and “Edwin, the towels are staring at me.”

Because he doesn’t say anything when I sneak butter on the popcorn at the movie theater.

That he kisses me long and soft and lets me sit on his lap.

And because my soul creaks and despairs when I imagine a life without him; and when he feels pain, I can’t breathe.

Because he holds me when I have bad dreams.

Because when I lose my temper and yell at the kids, he doesn’t judge me, but instead asks if he can help.

That he still kisses me on the back of the neck (and the front … and the side) because I love it so much.

And because when I’m feeling open enough and worthy of it, I can feel his pride in me – that’s always there if only I would let it in. (His love feels like that, too.)

Because sometimes I want nothing more than to lie in bed and watch a movie or a LOST episode on Netflix, and there’s such relief and glee when I find out he wants it, too.

Because we laugh together and he isn’t embarrassed by me – mostly.

That he still wants to be with me even after I make horrible errors.

And because I don’t know so many things – but that he wants to learn them all with me. (“It’s all about the journey, Baby!”)

Friday, December 25, 2009

My Guy

Paul in Maui.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Last Two Knitting Projects

I meant to take pictures of the two latest scarves I've knitted. But I gave them away first. Drat. So I scrounged around and found a couple teeny snippets of them. It was difficult to find pictures of a) the whole scarf and b) ones without people's faces showing. (I didn't get their consent before posting.)


I'm working on at least two more -- 'tis the season for scarves. I'm working on a maroon striped with a maroon tweed scarf for T.C. and a green wool one for A.Z. I've also got some luscious mocha brown and cream wool for another striped idea and some leftover black/gray/blue wool (like in the picture above with the shark pen) to stripe up with some solid black.

Yes, I'm into stripes right now.

Best go now, kids need a bedtime story.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Oh me, oh my -- only a tiny wallowing, and then BACK ON TRACK!


Sorry to have been so vacant on here. I've been to Maui.


And came back to gray skies and lots of laundry. :) It's all good though.

I'm feverishly knitting up last minute xmas and solstice gifts and ignoring my book proposal for the moment. First things first. (Though as I'm knitting scarves, I'm still thinking of the proposal. So, that counts for something, right?)

I'm babysitting right now so my friend and her husband can go xmas shopping (which I still need to complete myself, but at least I know what I'm getting and where to go to get it) and then a birthday party to attend for my kids' friend and then shuttling them off to another friends' house for a sleep-over, so that I can go to a party! (No Shame Eugene's End of Our First Year Together Cast Party!)

I really want to wear this dress to the party tonight, but I bought it in Maui -- where it was considerably warmer. Would it be completely stupid to wear it anyway? I'm thinking of bringing extra clothes in case I get too shivery. And wear long-johns underneath it. ;)

You think I'm kidding.

I'm that into wearing the dress.



Other stuff is happening in my life right now that is distracting me from the computer and this blog. And my writing. But I'm convinced that writing is therapeutic for me, so I will re-double my efforts to keep writing and slog through my personal stuff. It's critical for me to focus on it and I want to do it, but it's difficult, exhausting and a little sad. Maybe "slog" wasn't the right word. That would denote something unpleasant, and while my emotions wouldn't be classified as euphoric, I do have hope and love on my side.

So, come back dear readers. I'm still here. My visitor stats have dropped from about fifty to ... nine. Sigh. My own doing, of course, but it really would help my mood if you all came back and visited and cheered me on. :)

Until next time ...

Sunday, November 29, 2009

A Mon Seul Desir -- A Somewhat Embarrassing Attempt at Poetry

(A painting from the MET in New York City.)

A Mon Seul Desir

A day of shadows.
Of softly moving waves of
Ethereal sadness mixed with
Curious bursts of love and glee
For my children.

Fatigue. Moving lethargy.
Loving thoughts for my children.
And from them to me.

Art. Magic whispers of the soul,
Reaching, teasing, taunting,
Only there in flashes representing
What
Could be
If only I release and step into the void,
The wonderful, magnificent, exciting
Unknown. Passion through Art,
A touching of myself, A promise.
A secret. Come closer to hear. Swallow.

Dipping pen to ink,
Methodical, hypnotical.
The pen flows with ideas on artistic wings.

Let us dance.
Just close your eyes.
Breathe.

A beautiful smile and a hug,
Filled with love, compassion
And childish innocence and awe.

Look what I can do!

Explore
The mysteries,
The curiosities,
The wonderment.

~7/30/04

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

November was a bust

I know we are supposed to be thankful for loads of stuff in November, but it seems the only thing I can be thankful for right now are my excuses for not finishing NaNoWriMo this year. (Of which I have contrived many.)


Sarcasm is great for when you are feeling not so hot about yourself. :)

Blog posting will return with a vengence in the super near future. (As in next week!)

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. I hope you all have enough vitamin D for the winter months.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

At Last!

Maybe having chicken poop in the backyard, and the puppy getting into our chicken run and terrorizing the chickens, and the chickens flying over the enclosure to get to the backyard, and the puppy eating the chicken poop has all been in vain.

We had our first ever eggs in the coop this morning. (After five and half months of raising them.)

And we ate them.

Mmmm.