Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Writing about your Divorce


Writing about your divorce is tricky. There's always the censor dude in your mind with a taser gun threatening to zap you if you: get too snarky, get too whiny, get too personal, say something that your ex would be embarrassed about, say something that your ex would be hurt by, say something that would alienate your friends -- your mutual ones anyway, or say anything that makes you look bad.

I have an online friend that I met once (I met her in real life first at a writer's conference and then became a lurker on her blog) who wrote about her divorce for all to see -- with no censorship. It was awesome. So refreshing, so real, so honest. And so damn funny! I want to be able to do that. ... Write without censorship. And. You know. Be funny about it.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Divorces, Parenting Plans and Pictures of Kids

Divorces are for trying new things, like wearing fishnet stockings and dying your hair pink or blue.

It's for starting new relationships and stopping them because you realized that you really wanted to commit to giving your all to a long-distance relationship that is giving you so much peace and love and worship right now that you swim in the knowledge that this might be the One.

Divorces are for figuring out what's best for the children, but maintaining your own sanity by "putting your own oxygen mask on first" factors in big-time.

Paul and I have come to an agreement.
It looked like more time and mediation were going to be necessary. But. As of yesterday it is not.

Unless .... since we filed a motion for mediation, we are now bound by law to do it ..... hmmm. That would be a waste of time.

My little aspie boy wasn't doing well with the visitation set up. We had him at his dad's four nights a week, and at my place three nights a week and he felt like he was finally settling into a place and feeling "at home," when it was time to move on again.

I came up with a plan and Paul shot it down. (The second one, btw.)

I talked with my mother-in-law and friend about my concerns (and hers) and she came up with an alternate version to mine -- one that would have Robert in one place for longer stretches of time, and one that would still enable Paul to have the children on his days off.

My friend, Tamara, also reminded me that visitation schedules can look like anything. There is no standard.


Visitation will look like this: (after Paul secures a nanny and the children get back from their summer Massachusetts trip to visit another part of their family -- Rob's side)

It's a version of week on/week off, but Paul will always have them on his days off.

So it'll be five days on with me, and nine days on with him.

I'm willing to try it at any rate. We can always alter it if it's not working for the family.

Co-parenting should be interesting .....

.... said with a smirk.

Other things on the divorce agreement that we've settled on:

~joint custody

~we're splitting the increase in paul's
 401K since the date of our marriage on feb 12, 2006.

~no child support
~no spousal support
~paul will get the eugene house and its debt and rental income
~i will get the albany house and it's debt and rental income
~the costa rica property will be sold and the money will be split between the two of us 

The only part of that that is difficult to describe, but makes perfect sense to me when it is explained to me is that the money from the Costa Rica property sale will be split amongst us depending on the debt/equity ratio between the two properties on Oregon. 
Basically, we're going to split up the debt on the properties, but only after the sale of the CR property.

In other news, I've been mulling around a few new writing projects that I'm starting to get excited about.

More on that later.

Though I will say that both of them are blogs. One will be a joint blogging effort on long-distance relationships, and one will be geared toward single women issues.

Turns out I have a lot to say about that.

Now I just need a catchy byline .....

Saturday, June 11, 2011


I dream about writing.
When I'm sleeping.
When I wake, in that dreamy half-sleep,
I think of the things I'm going to write about -- the things I have to say, to the world, to my self, to my friends.

To my not friends.

To the friends I haven't met yet.

I don't think I have any enemies, but if I do, then to them, too.

But when I fully awake and settle into the computer ... or my journal ... other "things" get in the way. Other emotions that block my writing behind a barrier of 'what ifs' and the bricks of 'you're not good enoughs.'