Confessional

I haven't been blogging for ages. There are so many thoughts and worries and .... chores. Everything is new and different and still changing.

Mostly I haven't been writing here, because I've got the damn thing syndicated to my Facebook page and I know that anything I write here will be seen by all my friends. I know that's sorta the point, which is why I haven't turned off the syndication. Readers for your blog is a good thing. But.


I'm afraid. Of what I'm not entirely sure. Of "friends" scoffing at my bad/lonely/worried/nostalgic days, saying, "It's *your* fault if you are. What did you expect to happen? You shouldn't have left him, Bitch." But it's my loss for not writing. No one else's. Writing is how I process. Writing is how I breathe. Writing is how I show up in the world. And if I don't write, then I'm not really there. So there. I've just convinced myself. I'm breaking through the barrier. I will now write about what's happening and what's going on for me. If people in my community don't like what they see on this blog, then I invite them not to read it. You can always unfriend me on Facebook.

And maybe perhaps, just maybe, I'll be helping someone else along the way. Or at least entertain them in some strange/sick/lovely way.

So, yes. Paul and I are getting divorced -- and trying valiantly to not allow it to become messy or drawn out. Whether we succeed is still, as of yet, to be determined.

Also, I'm feeling nostalgic for Costa Rica. I miss planning for it and emailing the neighbors and talking about whether we want a driveway or not, or where to put the laundry room in the Costa Rica house. I just went through this blog and looked at a lot of the previous Costa Rica posts and remembered again that I'm not going to get to go there now.

And that was my choice. No one else made it for me. I totally acknowledge that. But it still stinks.

My son is murmuring in his sleep right now. I just bought him a loft bed because his sister wouldn't let him do "sleep-overs" on her new bunk beds and I felt bad for him. So we had a used (craigslist) loft bed delivered tonight and this is his first time in it. He was pretty stoked.

In other news, I talked to my boss and asked her for a weekend day off (for a second time), and she agreed this time! So I am so happy to say that I now get a whole weekend day with the kids! We can go to the Saturday market, we can play frisbee in the park, we can go to a matinee at the $1 theater ..... so many ideas. Also, with summer coming up, it really opens up the recreational things I can do without any grief or guilt about work. Like: Faerieworlds, camping trips, The Country Fair, etc. I'm quite happy about it. :)

There.
That's got me started a bit.
I'm counting on next time I blog, it won't be two months from now.
Writer's block, be gone!