Realizing Dreams and ADD Coaches

Picking one thing means not picking another. At least at that set of moments in time.

This is why it's difficult for me to choose between projects.

I'm lying in bed on a morning where the chickens (it must be Sophia, the little wanker -- can hens be wankers, or can that only be reserved for roosters?) have woken me before six in the morning. Wanker. I fetched my rain/muck boots with the purpley stripes from the garage. Usually they are kept on the back patio but I'd used them recently working on the restoration of a butterfly meadow at a nearby park. We're working on our spring community service badge through SpiralScouts.

But I digress.

I grab my boots and a canister of organic chicken feed and head outside. The air smells sweet and of newly washed rain. I feed them and check for eggs. None. Stingy bastards. If they're going to wake me before six in the morning, the least they can do is gift me some eggs for my troubles.

I spill some food, swear, scoop poop and then come inside and wash my hands vigorously.

Now what?

The hot tub would be nice, but what if I stay too long and I don't get Aubrey up and ready for school on time. I could go back to bed, but Paul's already up and that cut down on half the incentive to sink back under the covers. I could write in my journal, or read.

Reading sounds too tiring so I sit on the side of the bed and take my thyroid medication and see how it is to be back in bed. Was I too restless to be here? No. My glasses are on now just in case I decide to journal, but I slide back into my sheets.

Mmmm.

I close my eyes and snuggle with Humphrey who has gotten onto the bed. Wanker. But I let him, so I can't complain too much.

I don't fall back to sleep. Instead I plan and dream and paint pictures in my head. With purple and blue blobs that flow out of my fingertips and sable brushes. I think of my knitting project I am currently working on (a stripey set of fingerless gloves from left over wool yarn that will match my newly knitted hat), future knitting projects I can't wait to start (a felted bag, socks and an afghan), and the eleven sewing projects I just bought all the fabric and notions and patterns for. Clothes for the kids and me.

I also think of personal projects I'm up against. How to connect to others when they don't want to, or can't for some reason.

There's a friend that isn't so much a friend anymore that I miss. She says she likes me but she has a hard time with my energy -- my creativity she likes, but the rest is too scattered and shaky for her to be around comfortably. I swallow harder when I remember this. It's hard to slough this off when a) it is something that is not likely to change about me, as it's fairly core value stuff we're talking about here and apparently it's my core value she's not digging, and b) that I see her in passing a couple times a week when she drops off her kids at the same school I drop one of mine at.

And people closer still, that I reach out for and am met with love, respect and tenderness, but not closeness.

And then there's the house. You know about my house and how much I feel prisoner to its clutter and chaos. I'm ever trying to corral its mutations and fail miserably. I read an interesting bit of information from a book called something like: ADD-friendly ways to organize your life/home. It's advice was basically you allow yourself your faults and limitations and you hire coaches. You categorize all your needs and assign them Level 1, 2 or 3.

If one of your tasks is a Level I, maybe a weekly email from a friend would suffice for the reminder to do this thing. They're jobs that you can really do yourself, you just need a bit of momentum.

Level 2 tasks require that a coach actually be in your house. They sit with you and drink tea and remind you of what you were doing after you are done with the phone call, or the dog smears muddy paw prints on the wood floor and you rush to wipe them up before they harden. I would need a coach to keep me on track to file paperwork that's accumulated over the years in three rubbermaid totes. Or folding socks.

And Level 3 tasks are pointless. You will not do them. Best just hire a professional to come and do it for you.

Aspects of this book really make sense to me. Therefore, I've enlisted the help of my friend, Kesha, to come and help me de-clutter my house. Officially. Until it's done. I want half the house gone. We simply have too much stuff in the house for it to be all put away. There actually are not places for these things. So they must go.

After Aubrey and Paul leave and I shower, Kesha comes over and we walk around the house with a clipboard and brainstorm things to get rid of, systems that need changing and objects that need purchasing in order to make said systems work.

She's committed to coming over about twice a week to help me accomplish this feat before June 25 -- a quasi-self-imposed deadline for a benefit garage sale for our SpiralScouts circle.

After the house is a cozy, safe haven that all members of the family want to come home to ... Kesha has agreed (though I'm not sure she remembers she agreed to this) to continue on as my "ADD" coach (for lack of a better term). She can help me accomplish my creative goals by just being there and re-focusing me. Mostly this will be done jointly.

For instance, I've had three garbage bags of raw, dirty sheep wool in my garage for almost a year. Yum. Bet you didn't think I'd say that.

I got it free from a farm sanctuary after just teaching myself to knit and discovering how expensive knitting can be. Nice yarn can get spendy.

So my intent was to wash this grubby, sweaty sheep fur (oh, excuse me: fiber) and card it and spin it and knit with it. And if that wasn't enough challenge for me, I could dye it before spinning it, too.

Well, as I've said, it's still in the garage untouched.

So, Kesha totally wants to do this with me. So we'll do this project together and it'll be a win/win situation. She'll get all the raw materials she wants and a friend to do it with her, and I get ... well, the same as her BUT the added benefit of a coach that will keep me on track.

For awhile I couldn't wrap my head around being the kind of person that needed people to tell me what to do. This didn't sit well with me AT ALL. I liked the free-spirit, chaotic neutral, artistic image of myself and being a submissive follower didn't fit into that. But then it occurred to me.

I know what I want. I even know how to get there. I just need help staying on task in order to realize my dreams.

Myriads of Topics

So, I've been cleaning. And this is my beautiful, slightly more organized garage.

Despite this, the mice are back. Eeew. Paul and I saw one last night while we were watching a movie, so we set some more traps. Bummer. It's been months since we've had any. I thought they were all gone. For good. But no.

I got two of the bastards in traps this morning. Then Humphrey (our six month old puppy) set off the other trap, so I had to move them under the sink where he couldn't sniff out the peanut butter. I'll put them back before I go to bed tonight.




This picture represents the accumulation of stuff that litters the bottom of my van at any given time. Paul cleaned out the van earlier this month and this was the result. (He's always giving me shit for how dirty my van is.)

But THIS, dear reader, is the stuff from HIS car. (heeheehee)




No more shit from Paul. Or if he does hand it to me, I can give it right back. (*insert cheesy smile*)




I'm already thinking garden. If I'm going to be planting sugar snap peas and spinach and broccoli in March, I best start thinking of ordering the seeds and preparing the ground next month. !!! It still feels like the dead of winter over here. It doesn't seem feasible to start working the ground in a few short weeks.

I'm still knitting scarves for (fill in the blank's) sake! I'm working on a yummy cream and mocha striped one right now, and learning about right side and wrong side of project.

We had a Manga/Knitting Homeschool Group here yesterday. Yes, the two don't seem to go together, but my daughter was wanting some manga buddies and I wanted some crafting/sewing/knitting time -- so we combined it. It worked fairly well actually. The kids drew some manga for about 45 minutes, then I tried teaching some Japanese language with the flashcards I'd picked up, but one of the kids already knew what I had prepared! All of it! Turns out he's been taking Japanese lessons through Human. His mom said it was better than Rosetta Stone and much cheaper ($25). I'll have to check it out for Aubrey.

Then the kids took turns playing You Tube videos of their favorite Japanese musicians and listened to some Japanese music. And we finished off the "club," as Aubrey calls it, with an episode of CardCaptor Sakura in Japanese with English subtitles.

The moms present knitted instead.

Success.

We'll be doing it next Friday, as well.




This is my very first scarf, knitted for myself, in August/September of 2009. It's super long and wide, the way I like scarves.



This one I finished for a friend at Christmas.



And this will be my next sewing project. Robert picked out this rockin' fabric for me to make him a cloak from.



Despite the kids really loving their new classes at HomeSource this term, Paul and I have talked it through and we've decided to put the kids back in school and end this lovely home/unschooling experiment. Sigh.


(kids in gymnastics class)

Strangely enough, (and I'm really so relieved) I am able to accept this change without feeling like a failure. And I don't feel like I am dumping them back into the hands of unfeeling, underpaid district employees. (Well, maybe a teeny bit.)

I started this homeschooling path because Robert wasn't getting his needs met in public school and the private school I attempted to put him in turned him down -- and everywhere else (lottery alternative schools) had waiting lists. So I stayed home with him and it was brilliant. His behavior changed, we got closer in our relationship, he became more relaxed. In fact, I had so much fun that I talked Aubrey and Paul into having Aubrey come home with us, too. And that was fun, too, for about six months. And then she got really bored.

We tried curriculum with her, but I didn't like doing it. And with Robert being unschooled, it didn't really work to do curriculum with her at the same time. Also, their ages and interests were just enough off that whatever Robert wanted to do, Aubrey didn't and whatever Aubrey wanted to do, Robert didn't. So someone was always being neglected during large chunks of the day. And that wasn't working.

Our cohesiveness started failing, the kids started hating each other and I've started falling back into, "What are we going to do today?" with my eyes wide like I'm trapped in front of an oncoming semi.

I've also needed considerable more "alone" time this past six months than I did all of last year. I've got personal challenges that I'm struggling with and a book that I'm trying to finish. So, it just feels like time to move the kids back into school outside of home. I'm both sad and excited.

Sad because an unschooling/homeschooling lifestyle still has beautiful, nurturing connotations that I want for our family. And there are so many "pros" for our family. Namely that the kids' interests are addressed more than they would at a more traditional school (even an alternative one.) For instance, between the two of them, the kids are taking Chess, Swimming, Ballet, Gymnastics and Drawing Anime. There is no way that they will get that in school, no matter which one I put them in. And if we go with a private school (which is a fairly probable possibility), we won't have the money after paying the school's tuition, for them to take more than maybe one of these "extra-curricular" activities.

And that's another thing. I hate that art and movement and dance and chess are extra. They should be the norm! They should be in every child's week (if they want them.) And I'm sad that Paul and I are effectively taking those opportunities away from our children. :(

The other really big plus for homeschooling Robert is his "extra" needs. If we opt for a private school, we may have to advocate harder for those needs, than we would if we did public school with an IEP for him. So we are not sold on which place would be best for him. We're still researching.

As it stands now, all of the lottery schools in our city have waiting lists and the lottery for next year is not until March. Not too far away, but IF they get chosen, then school wouldn't start for another nine months. But frankly I'm not holding my breath for that. I've had Aubrey in the Village School's lottery at least three times and on the waiting list once. She's never got in. I had Robert in the lottery for Ridgeline Montessori (as a sibling because Aubrey was already in Ridgeline at the time -- which meant he got priority over any slots available) and he still didn't get in. He was on the sibling waiting list. (As opposed to the regular waiting list.) Sigh.

There is a private school (Eugene Waldorf School) that has openings for both the kids right now. Barring Robert's application gets approved. So we wouldn't have much wait and could get them in this month probably.

Other options are: wait until the lottery and see if the kids get into any of the other alternative schools (tuition free) -- which is uber-nice because Paul's worried about his job stability just now. And then put them into Waldorf in March or April if the lottery schools don't work.

I have a tendency to want to hurry through to the next step when a decision is finally made.

So ... Paul and I have decided it's best for everyone involved (collectively anyway) that the kids go back to school. So, now I want to just make that happen and be on to the next part of the journey. But hurrying may be detrimental for Robert especially. When something new is offered to him, or when he's told "This is what's happening now," he digs his heels in and yells for all he's worth. :) Cheeky Monkey.

If I try to push him into a school setting when he's not ready, the first grade nightmare will happen all over again. And I don't want any more trauma for my baby.

We've got some diagnosis' in our back pocket if we want them (Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder) -- we laugh at that last one -- but more importantly we have some avenues to walk down to help him get re-integrated into a classroom. If we try to force him in next month before we start OT (Occupational Therapy) or continue HBot (if we decide to do that) or get him any counseling (which I'm skeptical of at his age), we risk it taking even longer for him to get into school without fighting at home or with the teachers and kids.

(Robert in the hyperbaric chamber -- HBOT.)



(I go in with him. The sessions last about an hour.)


(We do a lot of reading in there.)

I don't know. Robert's such an interesting little kid and he's so full of life. He really wants to make friends and maybe putting him into school would be excellent for him and he'll love it.

I feel like I need to help him with this transition though. How do I do that? Make home more like school? Talk about the things that would happen at school? Pump up the friends aspect? Take him to open houses and let him play on school playgrounds when school isn't in session?


Aubrey has SpiralScouts in a couple of hours (we're working on the Drumming Badge) and I want to soak in the tub with a book for a bit before that happens, so I'll close here. I hope this didn't fel too much like a rant. Just wanting to connect to whoever's listening ...

Wallowing

I'm having a blah day ... and it's only 10:15 in the morning. Sigh.

I've already re-started a sour load of laundry that I didn't take out of the washer yesterday, closed up the chicken coop that I left open yesterday to air out (oops), fed the chickens/puppy/dog, read a chapter and a half from The Lighting Thief to Robert, cleaned up puppy urine from the carpet, brushed my teeth, cleaned up puppy poo from the carpet, almost cried over the amount of clothes to fold and put away and the status of the kitchen dishes, and talked to Paul about a conversation he had with our 11 year old daughter about viewing some UBER-disturbing images on the internet. Time for parental locks.

I want coffee.

And I want to go back to bed.

But what I will do instead (well, I'll still make coffee) is switch the twice washed laundry, take a shower, have Aubrey do some laundry and shower and find her ballet clothes and shoes, and take her to an audition for the Nutcracker Remixed that her dance school is going to be performing. We will come home and I'll work on the kitchen and decide what to make for the Spiralscouts Circlewide Potluck that's happening tonight at my house.

Paul also wants to watch Coraline with the kids tonight.

Every night is packed with stuff to do this week (and next, too) ... fun stuff that I myself planned and want to do ... but seeing it all laid out on the calendar is daunting.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow morning. My friend Candace Hunter is coming over to help me work on some writing goals I have and to work out a writing schedule for me. (For regular writing and Nanowrimo writing.) I think it's the only thing getting me through this day, so far.

Just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing, just keep writing ...

Sweet Creek Falls Hike

(My little man having fun.)



(scouts, working on hiking badge.)







(My girl, posing.)




It was a nice hike, but the whole thing: driving an hour and a half there, the hiking and standing around while the other leader taught directional finder stuff, and the hour and a half drive home - wiped my ass out.

See Magenta-Flecked Puce for details.

Did you know that sheep have rectangle pupils?

Our SpiralScouts hearth went on a field trip to Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary last Saturday. We are working towards our "I Make A Difference" award. After the tour by Wayne Geiger (founder of Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary), we volunteered our time to work on the farm.

Our group: mucked out the pig barn; mowed the lawns; weed-eated the walkway between the chicken runs; and dumped out the geese, duck and chickens' water "bowls" (they were blue kiddie swimming pools), scrubbed them out and re-filled them with fresh clean cold water.




The rectangle sheep pupil. Robert discovered it and insisted I photograph it.







Relaxing by the sheep after a hard days work.





On our tour, Wayne, showed us that horses are tatooed inside the lip to proved ownership.



Another branding.






A pony named, Monster.




Aubrey -- 10 1/2 years old.


On Wayne's farm sanctuary, he has rescued or saved:


A bull,


lots of horses,


llamas,


three donkeys,


sheep,


pigs,


ducks,


a heritage turkey that was about to be a birthday dinner,


and a ton of chickens.


Also many goats.


Here is Wayne holding their oldest rooster.

Accountability

I think I may have to take the Nablopomo challenge again, just so I am brought to the computer to post more often.

I wrote every day (mostly) in March. And I think I've posted four times this month and there's only two more days to the month!

Ug. I'm feeling like a failure.

It took Robert and I MONTHS to settle into an unschooling routine of sorts, and now Aubrey is home with us and we have yet to find our place. So that is on my mind.

I'm super into urban homesteading right now and voraciously read these blogs. My housemate and I are planning a trip to the feed and seed store to question the clerks about chickens. We are taking the kids because I want it to be a homeschooly thing. I want them to help pick out the breeds and such. And, of course, to hold the baby chicks.

My homesteader partner in crime, Steve, and I will tackle talking to Paul a.s.a.p. Steve also got a mason bee "home" to put up to encourage pollination. Our garden is waffling. The carrots and chamomile are coming up finally, and the kale in the back garden, but the pests are still chomping the spinach, kale and chard. Poor chard. It looks like a beauty college flunkee tried to re-invent one of those eighties hair styles with the spikey purple parts.

I am learning the knit stitch and am finding more and more homeschooling moms who are willing to share there expertise with me. Hooray!

Yesterday we did Lego Club which was a big hit with Robert (not so much with Aubrey) and today we went to roller skating class and Papa's Pizza to meet friends and play. Tomorrow is park day (more playing!) and also picking up the eggs from our friends' home. (And No Shame night for Paul and I.) Friday is house cleaning and Bounce night for the kids.

Saturday is packed with a Reptile Walk on Mt. Pisgah and then our 2nd annual Firehawks hearth Spiralscouts Vegan Earth Dinner. Sunday is more cleaning (my office has started bleeding recycled paper all over the floor again) and then a playdate of Aubrey's at a new friend's home. The mom raises angora rabbits and sheers the fiber, spins it and sells it -- which I ALL over. I can't wait to see.

Then Monday is the chick day -- we're just checking them out and asking questions, maybe buying some equipment, not taking home any yet -- and the week starts all over again with classes and park days.

So that is what we do all week, in a nutshell. In case you were wondering.

The First Egg Hunt

At our annual Spiralscouts Spring Equinox Ritual and Gathering, I read a story found by friend Karen Rainsong of Rainsong Design.

The first Ostara egg hunt!

Once upon a time, long long ago, there lived an ancient Teutonic race of people who celebrated spring equinox (March 20) and the coming of the new year during the last week's of Esturmonath (Ostara's Month) named for Eostra, their Goddess of the Dawn.

Ostara, whose name meant the East or dawn's light, came to entertain the children today before the spring equinoxes celebrations, because the parents were busy cleaning, cooking, and decorating up a storm for the coming of New Year celebration.

For it was common knowledge everywhere in the world at that time, that the new year begins with the coming of spring, and not in the middle of winter as is commonly celebrated today.

Every year at this time, Ostara and her magical shape-shifting bird, Ostro would keep the children distracted with fun new games, Lucky Scavenger's Hunt, and merry songs and dance to pleasantly tire them out.

The tradition had developed that each year, each child would receive a special, magically decorated egg from Ostro. The children spent the afternoon before spring equinox day weaving and then decorating a little basket for Ostro to lay their egg in.

But trouble was afoot this spring equinox eve, the children would not settle down to their basket weaving tasks, and could not be entertained with either song or dance. Ostara tried everything, including telling them a new tale she had prepared for the children for tomorrow. At her wit's end, she consulted with Ostro, who agreed that some emergency shape shifting magic was in order!

Ostro's body began to change in front of the children's very eyes... her brilliant blue feathers began to turn into the softest fluffiest fur you can imagine. Her sharp little black beak shortened into a cute pink nose, and she was growing soft floppy ears out of the side of her head, where none had been before!

Suddenly, Ostara had at their rapt attention. They gasped in shock as Ostro's tail feathers fell off and transformed into a round, puffy tail. By the time she was finished changing, no one could recognize her as a bird. She had completely shape-shifted into a brand new creature. Ostara immediately nicknamed her Peirs Cottontail, and a new tradition was born!

The children delighted while chasing the bunny here and there all afternoon, and the adults were very grateful that they could get all the party preparations completed in time.

Ostara thought this was the perfect ending to a lovely afternoon, until the children came to report to her that Peirs the rabbit was missing! They looked high and low for her, but to no avail. She was probably just resting in her burrow from all the day's activities, but now Ostara wondered, how were the magical eggs going to be delivered in time for tomorrow morning?

The morning dawned beautifully, but when the children came out of their houses, their little Ostara baskets were empty. Where were the eggs? Ostara gathered the children together, and explained a brand new game. Since the bunny did not have proper claws to grasp the eggs, when she had tried to bring them from her nest, she accidentally "lost" one! It had rolled down a hill, and nestled into a colorful flower patch. The next egg she tried to deliver to a basket had rolled into a gopher hole and was half hidden.

This had given Peirs an idea, and she quickly dashed about, hiding in the eggs in the garden surrounding the village. The children immediately grasped the idea and went scampering about hunting for their very own Ostara Egg!

Craziness. Ain't it cool?

(I'm embarrassed to say that while editing some photos of my family and myself, I forgot to "duplicate" before cropping. Whups. Now, I'm horrified that a large quantity of our family photos are only of me.) 8( [For instance, the one above is of me, Aniela and Paul in New York on the subway!)

This day is getting away from me. It's 3:45pm and I've been taking pictures as a sort of photo essay to use tomorrow on a day of life of us un-schooling.

I just picked up my daughter and her friends (The Carpool) from the public charter Montessori school they go to. It took about a half an hour to do (at the school and then driving time added onto that) because the school was doing a Parent Directed Response Pick-Up Drill. We had to park our vehicles, stand in line, show ID and sign out our kids who were then brought to us down the hall.

Then I took our little friends to their Tae Kwon Do class (which they both didn't want to do but Mom had said 'yes') before coming home. The boy practically looked in tears, he was so tired from his day. I felt so thankful for the opportunity to be flexible in my kids' schedules. And disappointed that not everyone can.

I'm trying to coordinate a knitting group/playdate for myself and my son during the day with the home(un)schoolers I know in my area. There was some flurry of interest on the boards (about six in all, which is nice) but it seems to be leaning towards a girls craft group now.

This is not what I had in mind, though my daughter loves the idea. I'm keen to get her involved, but what about my son. I dislike the segregation of genders.

And what about my knitting? :)

It was my intention to write something more interesting (about my recent blog research on gardening, living frugally and such -- I found some cool new blogs to add to my blog roll list) but I still have quite a bit planned for the rest of the afternoon and evening and I didn't want the day to get away without a post.

I still need to order Spiralscouts badges for our awards ceremonial coming up next month, print out at least one chapter of the novel I'm working on and edit it for my critique group tonight, make dinner, encourage my daughter who is struggling with a re-write she needs to do for her class, visit with Anna - who is over right now playing with Robert, eat dinner and get to group on time (have to wait for Paul to get home from work first).

Craziness. :) Ain't it cool?

Saturday: Spiral Scouts and Iran

Our hearth, the Firehawks, went on a tour of a local restaurant yesterday for part of our cooking badge requirements. We first went through and learned how the servers worked their tables (how they worked in sections and how the orders went through the computer to the back kitchen, etc) and how to set a table and the scouts set their own place setting and folded napkins in a little swan boaty looking thing.

Then we went in the back kitchen and talked with the executive dinner chef and she explained how dinner worked and fun trivia like: how many pans they went through in the dinner hour(s) and had the scouts practice "sauteing" raw beans in their skillet.

They saw how the sanitizing dishwasher works.

"And this, kids, is the dishwashing area. This is one of the hardest jobs in the whole place," said Chris, our tour guide.

"The hardest?" Josh, my co-leader, said. "Then that means it must pay the most."

The dishwasher laughed.

***

In the evening, our family sans Paul, still at work, went to Robin's house to hear her brother in law talk about his native country Iran. It was a great potluck of Persian dishes and the presentation was very well done.

I feel relieved and happy and blessed that Robert found a friend to play with there and a playdate is in the making as we speak! I hope it sticks. Finn's parents seem real cool, too. (It's so nice when your kid makes friends with kids with parents you actually want to hang out with.)

I brought the stew in the pot. It was gone at the end of the night, so I guess it was a big hit.

All in all, a very nice day. :)

SpiralScouts Cooking Badge

Our hearth is working on the Cooking Badge right now and so the scouts have been accepted to a very prestigious cooking academy taught by the fameous Chef Rolando Mustasfo Chardonnay.

The kids made fruit salad and Silk smoothies last time, and this time they made Vegan (and gluten-free) Tortilla Soup. Slurp!

Enjoying the result of their labor:

Whups! I didn't get a picture until the bowl was half eaten.

Oh Well. At any rate, they all enjoyed it. And one scout had three bowls.