A Time of Transition Requires a New Name

This blog started back in 2008 as a mommy blog. Or, more accurately, a place to compile the insanity of my life -- specifically with my son's undiagnosed PDD-NOS, and the unschooling/homeschooling adventures I had with him, and his sister.

The blog was aptly named Insane Parents Unite!

But now my kids are in middle-school. And you can't even buy parenting magazines geared towards kids that old. Not to mention that both my children refuse to be photographed, and what fun is a blog post about teenage angst, hunting for high schools, or the continual battle of limiting video gaming time when you can't even add a picture?!

Grumblegrumble.

So I changed the blog title to Indian-flavored Everything because I love all things Indian, was dating an Indian man, and I was running out of kid topics. (Which isn't really true, but whatever.) I still want to write about my favorite Bollywood movie, and the trip I'm dreaming up for Kerala with my new guy, but I also want to write about homesteading and reading and parenting older kids and cross-cultural dating. And hopefully in an artful-heartful way so that I may bring some joy to the soul along the way.

So now what do I call the blog?

***

And now for something not-so completely different ... I will be starting a BRAND NEW BLOG within the next month (in addition to this one). Something along the lines of Eco Expat. I've bought some land in Costa Rica at an Eco Village (off the grid, self-sustainable, intentional community) and I want to chronicle my experience of readying myself for life in a foreign country, earning income in a foreign country, learning a new language, practicing my homesteading skills -- plus all the logistical things I didn't anticipate happening but I'm sure will.

Stop by here for a link to the new blog.

Pura Vida!

Global Gatherings

Back when I home-schooled my children, I had to think up ways to facilitate the natural curiosity that children have – the kind that often gets swallowed up by video games and Nickelodeon. At least it did in my house. One way I did this was with Global Gatherings.

Myriads of Topics

So, I've been cleaning. And this is my beautiful, slightly more organized garage.

Despite this, the mice are back. Eeew. Paul and I saw one last night while we were watching a movie, so we set some more traps. Bummer. It's been months since we've had any. I thought they were all gone. For good. But no.

I got two of the bastards in traps this morning. Then Humphrey (our six month old puppy) set off the other trap, so I had to move them under the sink where he couldn't sniff out the peanut butter. I'll put them back before I go to bed tonight.




This picture represents the accumulation of stuff that litters the bottom of my van at any given time. Paul cleaned out the van earlier this month and this was the result. (He's always giving me shit for how dirty my van is.)

But THIS, dear reader, is the stuff from HIS car. (heeheehee)




No more shit from Paul. Or if he does hand it to me, I can give it right back. (*insert cheesy smile*)




I'm already thinking garden. If I'm going to be planting sugar snap peas and spinach and broccoli in March, I best start thinking of ordering the seeds and preparing the ground next month. !!! It still feels like the dead of winter over here. It doesn't seem feasible to start working the ground in a few short weeks.

I'm still knitting scarves for (fill in the blank's) sake! I'm working on a yummy cream and mocha striped one right now, and learning about right side and wrong side of project.

We had a Manga/Knitting Homeschool Group here yesterday. Yes, the two don't seem to go together, but my daughter was wanting some manga buddies and I wanted some crafting/sewing/knitting time -- so we combined it. It worked fairly well actually. The kids drew some manga for about 45 minutes, then I tried teaching some Japanese language with the flashcards I'd picked up, but one of the kids already knew what I had prepared! All of it! Turns out he's been taking Japanese lessons through Human. His mom said it was better than Rosetta Stone and much cheaper ($25). I'll have to check it out for Aubrey.

Then the kids took turns playing You Tube videos of their favorite Japanese musicians and listened to some Japanese music. And we finished off the "club," as Aubrey calls it, with an episode of CardCaptor Sakura in Japanese with English subtitles.

The moms present knitted instead.

Success.

We'll be doing it next Friday, as well.




This is my very first scarf, knitted for myself, in August/September of 2009. It's super long and wide, the way I like scarves.



This one I finished for a friend at Christmas.



And this will be my next sewing project. Robert picked out this rockin' fabric for me to make him a cloak from.



Despite the kids really loving their new classes at HomeSource this term, Paul and I have talked it through and we've decided to put the kids back in school and end this lovely home/unschooling experiment. Sigh.


(kids in gymnastics class)

Strangely enough, (and I'm really so relieved) I am able to accept this change without feeling like a failure. And I don't feel like I am dumping them back into the hands of unfeeling, underpaid district employees. (Well, maybe a teeny bit.)

I started this homeschooling path because Robert wasn't getting his needs met in public school and the private school I attempted to put him in turned him down -- and everywhere else (lottery alternative schools) had waiting lists. So I stayed home with him and it was brilliant. His behavior changed, we got closer in our relationship, he became more relaxed. In fact, I had so much fun that I talked Aubrey and Paul into having Aubrey come home with us, too. And that was fun, too, for about six months. And then she got really bored.

We tried curriculum with her, but I didn't like doing it. And with Robert being unschooled, it didn't really work to do curriculum with her at the same time. Also, their ages and interests were just enough off that whatever Robert wanted to do, Aubrey didn't and whatever Aubrey wanted to do, Robert didn't. So someone was always being neglected during large chunks of the day. And that wasn't working.

Our cohesiveness started failing, the kids started hating each other and I've started falling back into, "What are we going to do today?" with my eyes wide like I'm trapped in front of an oncoming semi.

I've also needed considerable more "alone" time this past six months than I did all of last year. I've got personal challenges that I'm struggling with and a book that I'm trying to finish. So, it just feels like time to move the kids back into school outside of home. I'm both sad and excited.

Sad because an unschooling/homeschooling lifestyle still has beautiful, nurturing connotations that I want for our family. And there are so many "pros" for our family. Namely that the kids' interests are addressed more than they would at a more traditional school (even an alternative one.) For instance, between the two of them, the kids are taking Chess, Swimming, Ballet, Gymnastics and Drawing Anime. There is no way that they will get that in school, no matter which one I put them in. And if we go with a private school (which is a fairly probable possibility), we won't have the money after paying the school's tuition, for them to take more than maybe one of these "extra-curricular" activities.

And that's another thing. I hate that art and movement and dance and chess are extra. They should be the norm! They should be in every child's week (if they want them.) And I'm sad that Paul and I are effectively taking those opportunities away from our children. :(

The other really big plus for homeschooling Robert is his "extra" needs. If we opt for a private school, we may have to advocate harder for those needs, than we would if we did public school with an IEP for him. So we are not sold on which place would be best for him. We're still researching.

As it stands now, all of the lottery schools in our city have waiting lists and the lottery for next year is not until March. Not too far away, but IF they get chosen, then school wouldn't start for another nine months. But frankly I'm not holding my breath for that. I've had Aubrey in the Village School's lottery at least three times and on the waiting list once. She's never got in. I had Robert in the lottery for Ridgeline Montessori (as a sibling because Aubrey was already in Ridgeline at the time -- which meant he got priority over any slots available) and he still didn't get in. He was on the sibling waiting list. (As opposed to the regular waiting list.) Sigh.

There is a private school (Eugene Waldorf School) that has openings for both the kids right now. Barring Robert's application gets approved. So we wouldn't have much wait and could get them in this month probably.

Other options are: wait until the lottery and see if the kids get into any of the other alternative schools (tuition free) -- which is uber-nice because Paul's worried about his job stability just now. And then put them into Waldorf in March or April if the lottery schools don't work.

I have a tendency to want to hurry through to the next step when a decision is finally made.

So ... Paul and I have decided it's best for everyone involved (collectively anyway) that the kids go back to school. So, now I want to just make that happen and be on to the next part of the journey. But hurrying may be detrimental for Robert especially. When something new is offered to him, or when he's told "This is what's happening now," he digs his heels in and yells for all he's worth. :) Cheeky Monkey.

If I try to push him into a school setting when he's not ready, the first grade nightmare will happen all over again. And I don't want any more trauma for my baby.

We've got some diagnosis' in our back pocket if we want them (Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder) -- we laugh at that last one -- but more importantly we have some avenues to walk down to help him get re-integrated into a classroom. If we try to force him in next month before we start OT (Occupational Therapy) or continue HBot (if we decide to do that) or get him any counseling (which I'm skeptical of at his age), we risk it taking even longer for him to get into school without fighting at home or with the teachers and kids.

(Robert in the hyperbaric chamber -- HBOT.)



(I go in with him. The sessions last about an hour.)


(We do a lot of reading in there.)

I don't know. Robert's such an interesting little kid and he's so full of life. He really wants to make friends and maybe putting him into school would be excellent for him and he'll love it.

I feel like I need to help him with this transition though. How do I do that? Make home more like school? Talk about the things that would happen at school? Pump up the friends aspect? Take him to open houses and let him play on school playgrounds when school isn't in session?


Aubrey has SpiralScouts in a couple of hours (we're working on the Drumming Badge) and I want to soak in the tub with a book for a bit before that happens, so I'll close here. I hope this didn't fel too much like a rant. Just wanting to connect to whoever's listening ...

Camera Cord Found!

Hooray! Now I can finally share some things that are going on around here.




Aww. Sleeping dogs are the best dogs. Especially that rascally puppy. He's so much nicer when he sleeps.



This was a fabulous 3d tic tac toe game that Joey designed one day.




This was taken back in June at Aniela's graduation ceremony.



Here's a Banagrams game that Aubrey, Robert and Anna did. Only mythical beasts were allowed on the table.




Aubrey, Robert (Joey), Paul and his mom, Anna all waiting for Aniela's grad ceremony to start.



This is at Aubrey's eleventh birthday party.

School Set-Up

So the next few days are planned to the hilt.

I'm going to the library this afternoon to make returns and pick up some new books I can use with Aubrey's main lessons.

Tomorrow we are going to Home Depot to pick up some masonite and chalkboard paint to make ourselves a few chalkboards and paintboards. (And then we'll make them!)

Monday I'll clean out and organize the learning closet (for all our supplies and such) and clear off ALL the workable surfaces. (Read table-tops: the bar, the craft table in the office, the dining room table and the coffee table.)

(I also need to write something for the critique group. Whups. How am I going to fit that in?)

Tuesday we start. The first two weeks will be light duty until we get all of our supplies and things start flowing.

Here's our first term weekly schedule:

Sunday~ write a letter, quiet time, pay bills, reading and handwork.
Monday~ Main Lesson, Gymnastics class, chores, Nana comes over.
Tuesday~ Main Lesson, Swim lessons for Robert and Ballet for Aubrey.
Wednesday~ Computer Art class for Robert, Spanish, Handwork, Water Safety class, chores.
Thursday~ Main Lesson, Daddy Day, Chess class.
Friday~ Main Lesson follow-up, Painting, Handwork, finish up chores for the week and visit friends!
Saturday~ SpiralScouts or Library Trip.

Field trips will fit into there as they come.

Our DAILY RHYTHM will hopefully (snicker) look like this:

• take care of animals (feed, let chickens out of coop, etc.)
• make breakfast
• eat breakfast at 8am with Daddy before he heads to work
• clean up
• get dressed and brush teeth
• take a walk (bring dogs ... and maybe a Bengal cat if we get one -- they like to take walks on a leash, too!)
• Circle Time:
• each light a candle
• read a poem I've found for the day or week
• recorder practice and mini-lesson (10 minutes)
• math exercise (one or two)
• Main Lesson (bring snack out to them when they're set up and working)
• clean up
• fix lunch and eat together (maybe read a chapter book to them during lunch if there's time)
• afternoon movement class (gymnastics, swimming, water safety or ballet)
• free time and snack
• chores
• check on animal needs (food, water, play, training)
• make dinner
• eat dinner together
• bedtime ritual: (starting around 7:00 p.m.)
  
• bathing
• brushing teeth
• reading together
• reading silently individually
• lights out
• Robert 8:30 p.m.
• Aubrey 9:00 p.m.
  

Who I Am

Part of me wants to upload pictures of my house (each room) so you can see what the inside of my brain looks like right now.

But then I get too embarrassed.

But then I think: There are so totally other moms out there with revolting homes that never seem to get organized no matter how they try and might even feel better and less like a louse if they saw my wreck.

But then I think: No way, Jose. I'd alienate you all forever and maybe even the county would come and plaster my doorway with those condemned buildings signs and tapes.

So I won't upload pictures. Just use your imagination.

I've hit the puces again. My house is a new shade of the leader essay I wrote a while back.


On a home-schooling vein: I'm anxiously awaiting our Waldorf curriculum. Aubrey wants a curriculum to follow instead of being unschooled as Robert is. I am also buying a used copy of the 3rd grade curriculum for him -- in case I can sneak it in for him, or if he sees his sister doing something and wants to follow suit. Also, it just gives me an outline to work with. If he wants to do it, cool. If not, no biggie. I'm only out $17.

I registered them for classes on Tuesday. They got all the classes they sent me out to get.
I'm not sure how I'll fit the Waldorf rhythms into this but I'm gonna try!

Both Aubrey and Robert are taking a chess class (which counts as a math core class) and water safety once a week. In addition to that, they are each taking an additional p.e. class: Aubrey will be doing ballet and Robert, another swimming class, so he'll be swimming twice a week. Also, Aubrey is taking an American Girls history class and Robert is taking a computer art class.

So. We'll see what happens. I'll try and get more math in for Robert (since he likes it anyway) with the Waldorf math book I bought. (It's a combined grades 1-5 math book.)


I told Paul today that it felt like I had four full-time jobs. I love them all and don't want to quit any of them, but that that's why the house looks like this. ;)

Job 1 is, of course, homemaker. I could totally have the house immaculate and healthy meals around all the time if that's all I ever worked on.

Job 2 is a homeschooling parent. I'm driving the kids all over for classes four times a week, in addition to curriculum. But I so want to do this forever. It is the right thing for my kids.

Job 3 is a writer. I'm writing and researching my proposal for my non-fiction book Grief Shadows: Young, Pregnant and Widowed. Four agents have requested that I send them either pages or a proposal, so I TOTALLY want to get on that and not let this AWESOME opportunity pass me buy. This is my dream job and a project I've had on my mind almost since Rob died. I want our story told and I want it to inspire other widows.

Job 4 is a homesteader (gardening, keeping animals, canning and knitting and otherwise trying to live sustainably and self-sufficiently), which probably should go up with job 1 so that I can also add

JOB 5: feeding myself (with hot baths and romantic comedies and reading and art and dates with my husband and socializing with friends and one-on-one times with my kids) so that I can be a healthy, contributing member of my family -- one who is pleasant to be around.


There.

How can I do all those jobs every day?

Because I can't quit any of them. They are all vastly important to me and make up who I am. And who I've always wanted to be. I can't change that, nor do I want to.

Out of Africa -- in Winston, Oregon

(Paul in the tour bus)

On Memorial Day our family joined a bunch of other homeschoolers and toured the Wildlife Safari.




This was a 500 pound Siberian Tiger. The stick in the picture is not poking him. We had an encounter where we watched a park person feed some of the animals raw meat with a shish ka bob skewer. He was surprisingly gentle when taking the food -- almost licked it off the skewer.






We had an elephant car wash. This was the car in front of us. After spraying the car, the elephant would pick up the sponge and soap down the car and spray again. It was quite silly -- the adults I was with seemed to think it was funnier than the kids. (Maybe I'm not as easily impressed?) ;)



This is a mean lookin' cheetah.



Look how intent and ready to pounch on that piece of meat.



Now look at this sweetie. She was purring at us and actually licked the park person's hands through the fence. The difference was this cheetah girl was her upbringing.

It seems that when she was born, she was single born. No other sister or brother kitties in the litter. So mama's milk dried up. The mama actually took her cheetah baby and walked her out of the 'den' and left her, knowing that she wouldn't be able to care for the baby.

So, an Anatolian Shephard mama dog was nursing at the time, and went ahead and fed the cheetah kitten, too! Neat-o, huh? So one of the pups, Ella, and this cheetah baby, Sanurra, were raised as companions. They share a pen at the Wildlife Safari. They are separated during feedings and at night.



Here's Sannura again.


(Aubrey and Paul -- with Robert on top -- resting in the middle of our homeschoolers group)



(Robert and Paul listening to the tour guide)



(nursing bison baby)



("I'm so hungry I could eat a whole zebra!" ~Simba from The Lion King)




And that's all folks.
Lots of fun, and sherbet, ice cream bars and popsicles afterward.
Also, Aubrey went home with a friend and spent the night and Anna and I went to critique group afterwards.

Tuesday was spent recuperating at home and Wednesday was spent running errands and feeling exhausted and depressed about the housework that was looming.

Today was much better. I vented and snuggled with Paul last night and we cleaned today. I even organized the fridge, freezer and pantry and put up LABELS.

Tomorrow we are leaving for a long weekend in Seattle to visit my mom.

Accountability

I think I may have to take the Nablopomo challenge again, just so I am brought to the computer to post more often.

I wrote every day (mostly) in March. And I think I've posted four times this month and there's only two more days to the month!

Ug. I'm feeling like a failure.

It took Robert and I MONTHS to settle into an unschooling routine of sorts, and now Aubrey is home with us and we have yet to find our place. So that is on my mind.

I'm super into urban homesteading right now and voraciously read these blogs. My housemate and I are planning a trip to the feed and seed store to question the clerks about chickens. We are taking the kids because I want it to be a homeschooly thing. I want them to help pick out the breeds and such. And, of course, to hold the baby chicks.

My homesteader partner in crime, Steve, and I will tackle talking to Paul a.s.a.p. Steve also got a mason bee "home" to put up to encourage pollination. Our garden is waffling. The carrots and chamomile are coming up finally, and the kale in the back garden, but the pests are still chomping the spinach, kale and chard. Poor chard. It looks like a beauty college flunkee tried to re-invent one of those eighties hair styles with the spikey purple parts.

I am learning the knit stitch and am finding more and more homeschooling moms who are willing to share there expertise with me. Hooray!

Yesterday we did Lego Club which was a big hit with Robert (not so much with Aubrey) and today we went to roller skating class and Papa's Pizza to meet friends and play. Tomorrow is park day (more playing!) and also picking up the eggs from our friends' home. (And No Shame night for Paul and I.) Friday is house cleaning and Bounce night for the kids.

Saturday is packed with a Reptile Walk on Mt. Pisgah and then our 2nd annual Firehawks hearth Spiralscouts Vegan Earth Dinner. Sunday is more cleaning (my office has started bleeding recycled paper all over the floor again) and then a playdate of Aubrey's at a new friend's home. The mom raises angora rabbits and sheers the fiber, spins it and sells it -- which I ALL over. I can't wait to see.

Then Monday is the chick day -- we're just checking them out and asking questions, maybe buying some equipment, not taking home any yet -- and the week starts all over again with classes and park days.

So that is what we do all week, in a nutshell. In case you were wondering.

Up to speed

So Sorry.

I have fallen by the wayside due to: birthday parties, sick children, missing the first performance of our new theater group (due to said illness), Easter bbq, playdates, field trip, and SpiralScouts meetings ... plus a huge 'restaurant' the scouts are pulling off this Saturday that we have to prepare for. And lack of sleep. This is because of insomnia or watching LOST episodes until midnight several nights this week.

I've been trying to hold my head above water.

My daughter's last day of school was Friday and she spent her first day of homeschooling at the dentist getting two teeth pulled and then recovering at home.

I've made a mild breakthrough in my novel and am starting it all over from scratch (well, not entirely) and what else ...

I know there is something else that's happened or is about to happen that I am forgetting.

I'll be sort-of performing my first No Shame theater performance tomorrow night (it's kind-of a test piece). Also am putting together a performance in May for friends and family (with our grand opening piece June 5th.)

That wasn't what I was trying to remember. HA! I almost typed "forget" and then promptly remembered what I forgot: I haven't done my taxes yet and just found out that I don't have my husband's W2's. Did I lose them?!

Yeah. I'd like to forget about these taxes again.

So.

I will be a good blogger and put up some homeschooly pictures of our field trip in a couple days. Please bare with me and PLEASE come back and leave a comment. I love to get comments. It helps with crazy, insane, freaky weeks like these.

Breathe.

Oh yeah. And the slugs are decimating our new baby garden! :( I'm trying to live more self-sustaining and grow my own food, etc., but slurping slugs make it seem pointless. (Sigh.)

I planted more kale and leeks to spite them. And we treated them to a fat buffet of Sluggo. But they still ate the heads off the marigolds!

Bastards.

Un-schooling and Not.

I dislike posting without a game plan. (Or even having written it ahead of time and just typing it here after I've edited and spell checked.) But here I am, stealing moments before my son gets up to write.

Otherwise, I fear, it will never happen. And then a month goes by without a post, and any readers I do have will stop coming back and .... well, you get the picture.

So, here I am.

I was lamenting to my husband -- though I fear (there's that would again) that he just rolls his eyes when I talk about stuff like this -- this morning about not having enough time with Aubrey.

She's getting up later and later in the morning so that I don't see here at all -- she's showering and dressing while I'm making her a to-go breakfast, packing her lunch and getting her coat and shoes by the door. Then she's gone all day while I'm home with Robert, living! , and when she gets home, she either: plays with Robert because they haven't seen each other all day, or she's so fried from the day that she just relaxes with a book or checks her emails. Which I totally respect and want to give her room to do.

This frequently means that when I put her to bed at night (when I do ... I'm gone to writer's meetings at least two times a week, more if I'm doing something else like date night), she wants to talk and connect, BUT ... I'm fried. I don't do evenings well. It's my time to relax and read, take a bath or watch a movie with popcorn. And so I rush it and try to get out of talking at the end of our bedtime ritual (which is fairly long as it is.)

All this means is that I miss her. I really want her home with me. I know that she will drift away the further into adolesence she gets, but I can't help but feel she won't if she's at home with me. We'll stay connected, at least.

When Aniela was, geez, twelve? to sixteen, she hated us all and went out of her way to show it. So much so that even though she hasn't lived with us for over a year and I miss her, and I admire where she's gone with her life, Paul still thinks I'm afraid of her. And we still don't have a good relationship with her; we still don't know each other; we still don't really talk to one another.

I don't want that to happen to me and Aubrey. Or Paul and Aubrey. That would be too much to bear for him. And me.

I already see the signs of adolescence approaching and so I feel spurred into action. I want her home with me during the day. I know that she wouldn't struggle so much with the unimportant (to the real world) stuff like: being singled out with assigned seating, feeling unworthy for getting circles for her incomplete work, or feeling different from the other kids.

I want her home with me.

But Paul doesn't. He doesn't even think Robert should be home, truthfully. At least that is how I read him. I feel in my bones that un-schooling, sometimes called student-lead or natural learning, is the right course of living for us. And Paul is afraid of this.

I keep trying to get him to read and research some of the things I'm finding about unschooling and he procrastinates and doesn't do it and still feels uncomfortable with what Robert and I do all day.

To me this is just irritating. To the point that some days I just feel done with talking about it. If he's uncomfortable with it, he can research it. I'm comfortable with it, I think it's the right course of action, I want it to be this way, and I'm the one with the time to do it.

I really would like the trust from him to do this. His blessing. (He says he supports me in my decision, but doesn't like it. That's not a blessing. Is it?)

I talked to an unschooling acquaintance of mine last month about this, and I loved her response. She said that sometimes her and her husband come up against this, too, but she reminds him that she doesn't advise him about selling or buying their stocks. It would be foolish. She doesn't know enough to. She can express concern over certain attributes ... the cost, or a particular company she doesn't like and doesn't want to support ... but she doesn't say, "Buy now."

Same with the "schooling;" he doesn't tell her not to do it (though he can express concern about certain things and they can talk about it -- just like the stock decisions) because she's the one that does all the research. She's the one that lives it every day. She's the one that dives into the living and learning of her children every day.

So, I guess it is time to have another talk with Paul about all this.

I don't want him to feel nagged, or that his opinion doesn't matter (which is what he told me), I just want my opinion to count, too.

And now my son is awake.

Breathe.

Need Suggestions

Does anyone have any ideas for educational, fun activities to do with kids ages 7-10 during the year?

I've checked out Nearby Nature, Bounce, Homesource and The Science Factory.  Anything else?

I think I'm serious about this!  

My only concern is when to find time to write that novel in November.