Sunday, October 25, 2009

Why is it that I'm the One Most Often in My Way?

The dogs are lying on my bed keeping me warm with their snuggles and snores. Aubrey is showering and Robert is gaming. Paul's at work and housemates are gone to church and to the Mushroom Festival at Mt. Pisgah. And I am dozing in my bed with Paul's old wool sweater and a scarf (that I knit myself) keeping me company. Sundays are pajama days in our home.

I was trying to upload some pictures for you but blogger is having difficulty with it. Sigh. It's annoying when technology fails. But even more annoying that I seem to rely on it so much. I crave to belong to a time when technology didn't play so great a role in our lives. A time when we (as individuals) made our own things and relied more on ourselves.

A friend of mine is saving money to go to some cold north country (Norway? Scandinavia?) and participate in a soul-searching program where, among other things, you build your own ax-like weapon and use it on a trek. He'll get to experience some things that his ancestors did and live harsher yet more simply -- albeit for a short time. I envy him this passionate trip.

While I don't feel compelled to go to Norway, (though I'm game for any travel experience) I would love to visit my ancestral homes. Most notably Scotland. (I've some German and English in me, too.) Wouldn't it be awesome if I wandered about the highlands and got the chills of belonging that sometimes evade me here? What if I'm destined to live somewhere else -- in some other land? Is this why languages always arrest me with their uniqueness -- their sounds of other places and cultures and values and beliefs? Yes. And why guys that speak other languages, or speak with an accent, have always made me hot.


I heard somewhere that you are attracted to people that display the attributes that you are lacking but want so much in your own life. I think this must be true. I'm attracted to passionate people that live their lives in big gulps and with glee and joy.

But what about the people that don't have those attributes, necessarily, but that support the building of it in your life? The aficionados. I'm attracted to them, as well. Those people that figure out ways to make your dreams come true.

I am determined to help myself along. I have many well-wishers and supportive friends and family that all want my dreams of artistry and living the writerly life to come true. Please Goddess, let me help them help me.

Why is it that I'm the one most often in my way?

2 comments:

Wendy Hawksley said...

I'm not sure why that is... We make excuses, we find more "important" things to do, etc.

I think the trick to life is not figuring out what you want, but figuring out how you are going to get it!

Valerie Willman said...

So true.