Paul says my wheels are spinning. They are. I'm obsessing about something and I've been purposely not posting on my blog about this because I didn't want to upset anyone, but part of my draw to this thing I haven't been posting about, is that it would give me a whole new market of people to write to. To sell to. To build audience and platform for. So I'll just write it now. Possible side effects for the reader have been noted.
You've been warned.
Before I start explaining, I should say here (as purely a reminder for myself so I don't get lost in the edginess I'll feel writing this post) that:
Whatever's meant to be, will happen. We will land right where we are supposed to.
So. Now that that message is plastered to my psyche's bathroom mirror, I shall continue.
We've long wanted Paul at home with us. He works many hours away from home and all of our relationships suffer for it. The children forget to consider him, I (on bad days) feel like a single parent, and Paul is lonely and misses his family. And we all miss him. The children beg for family game nights and one-on-one time with Paul and I, and with Aubrey turning twelve earlier this week, Paul and I worry that the window of time when the kids will want to connect with us may be closing up and we don't want that to happen. Or if it has to -- like some child psychology books say-- we want to be prepared for it with lots of loving quality bonding time under our belts, to stay the execution of us, as parents, on pedestals. Fuck. Us, as human beings.
I remember as a teenager thinking my mom was afraid and cornered and didn't understand. And that was with a good relationship with her. I had a non-commital relationship with my dad. He was just there around the fringes. ( I don't want that kind of relationship for Paul and our kids.) Imagine how I would have felt if I'd had a bad relationship with my parents.
So it is against this that Paul and I want to secure ourselves. And we think the best way to do this is by him being home more. We can't do this if he's at his current job, with us living in our current house, with the current state of our budget (like we have one) and our bills. So, Let's get creative.
On a previous post, I spoke about selling this place and buying a smaller home in Eugene. We figure the mortgage would be a smaller sum, or non-existant, if we move our assets around judiciously. Without a mortgage payment, we could wrangle ourselves into living off my income -- freeing up Paul to open up his own business, buy an existing one, or working part time at .... Blockbuster. :)
Sounds good, right?
Enter Scary, Exciting, Life-Altering, Alternative Plan.
We move to Costa Rica.
We've been researching for months now and have been in contact with a land developer from the States that's moved there full-time and married one of the locals. It would cost us $150/month to feed our family of four. Homegrown, organic food. All living expenses wouldn't exceed ... $1300/month? We wouldn't hardly have to work. Though without the competition, we could open our own bookstore and coffee shop that most certainly wouldn't thrive here in Eugene.
So, a cool kick-ass job for Paul (one he owned), I'd still get to write as my chosen profession and Paul would be home. We'd finally get to hang out as a family on the weekends! Something we've never been able to do because of the industry Paul works in. And we'd get to do it all in a paradise Southern Pacific Costa Rican location. With waterfalls, wild animals, zip lines, river rafting, canopy tours, and jungle.
We'd live in a sustainable community that grows and raises 80% of their own food, and would be off the grid within three years. That in and of itself is dear to my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCXGUL9cP3gOsa Mountain Village video
I love Eugene.
I love the communities we've been a part of, or still are.
I love the friends I've made and the connections that are still very dear to me.
I don't make friends very easily. (Maybe the universe is giving me the opportunity to get better at this.)
I live a unique and alternative lifestyle/sexuality that may not be accepted in the Osa Mountain Village community, whereas I am (and it is) here in Eugene.
And that brings me to my relationships. I have a couple of long-distance ones that wouldn't technically be altered by my moving, but -- but -- somehow I fear that by living out of the country I wouldn't see them as often. Which is silly, really. And most likely inaccurate.
I worry about the kids' friendships and connections, and their school experience. I worry about Robert's special needs being met.
I lose my writing community.
And what would we do with our dogs?! :( Most likely we couldn't keep them.
And there's so much more to think about .... it's flooding my brain.
But, I'll stop here. Paul and I are going to Costa Rica on a "vacation" to scout out the area and see if the village is compatible with our dream. So we shall see. Most likely we will be making a decision over there, and I will be able to come home and tell you what we've come up with.
We'll return the last week of October.
Wish us .... Clarity.