Monday, July 11, 2011

"Nook"y on the Plane

I have a Nook.
I got it in the divorce.

I've only used it once though, and I didn't buy it for myself. (I didn't inhale disclaimer.)
My ex bought it for himself, and then bought the iPad he really wanted but couldn't rationalize the cost. (snort)

So I snagged the Nook. You know, just in case.

I've never wanted an ebook reader. I don't need one. To mirror Emma Thompson in "Stranger Than Fiction," "I don't need [an ebook reader], Penny. I [read books.]" (Only she was talking about the nicotine patch and smoking cigarettes.)

But the one time I did use it was because of the book club I'm in. Our scheduled read was a book I wouldn't have purchased for myself under normal circumstances -- which, you know, is kinda the purpose of a book club -- and the library had it on hold for forever, and it wasn't out in paperback yet, and the hardback cost was $25, and I couldn't find it used. I wasn't about to spend $25 on a book I probably wouldn't like, so I checked out the ebook price. Like, $12. So I bought it. And I used the Nook.

It was ok. But here's the thing. I like the feel of books. I like wetting my finger with my tongue and seductively sliding my finger behind the page I'm reading in anticipation of turning it. I like being able to look back over the book and find that one thing that I'd read that made so much sense that I want to read it again, or find that name that the hero called the other guy, because I thought it was a different name .... And you can't really do that with an e-reader. You just can't. Yeah, you can push a button a billion times to try to back up, but you can't hold your place while you do it (at least I couldn't figure out how to do it), and forgot the whole seductive finger thing. That ain't happenin'.

I just

Don't get me wrong. I'll probably continue to purchase some books off the Barnes and Noble website, for the cost factor, but most of my books will be bought right off the shelf so I can have my love affair with the smell of the pages, and the texture of them as I do the sexy finger trick, and the heft of them in my hands, and the different way I hold different books -- some I hold reverently, some I do the spine-breaking thing with, some I fold pages in, some I write in, some I flip the cover over to the left behind what I'm reading on the right and effectively fold the book in half. It depends on the book, the topic, and where I'm sitting (also my posture).

So, anyway, I'm flying home a few days ago, and there is a woman next to me reading from her Kindle. Fine. But then the speaker comes on informing us to shut off all electronic devices ("If it has an on/off switch, put it in the off position.") and put our chairs in the upright position. That's literally what the flight attendant said. So, I like, expect her to shut off her Kindle. And she doesn't.

She's held, in her book, and I totally get that. She's riveted. I get that. She doesn't want to put it away. I get that. I really do. But, dude. The plane? You, like, need to shut that off now.

I don't hate flying. I'm not "afraid" to. But I only do it to accomplish my love of travel. There are occasional moments of, "We're going to crash and (insert name here) isn't with me. I can't even call them on my cell phone to say good-bye because I fuckin' left it my brother-in-law's car on the way to the airport!" (head smack)

So, I'm really wanting this woman to turn off her Kindle. I don't really know what impact it has on the plane's navigational equipment, but if by chance it corrupts the pilot's ability to contact the ground crew, and like, land, I'd really like for her to turn it off.

Now, like I said, I totally get her need to continue reading. But please. I figure she's planning on reading until the flight attendant comes by and taps her on the shoulder. I'd totally do that. So I wait -- trying not to feign yawning-but-really-waving-the-flight-attendant-over-to-see-this-infraction.

The flight attendant does make her gradual approach and the woman next to me sees that, too. She quickly grabs her ebook reader's cover case from the seat pocket in front of her. I smile. Good. Now I can settle into the not-dying-while-landing serenity I always try to maintain while flying.

Of course. You, the reader, can infer that what I assumed and wanted to happen, did not. Not the the dying while landing. That didn't happen. But the lady putting away her damn Kindle didn't happen either! She tucked her reader into it's sleeve thingy and made it look like she was reading a real book! She was faking out the flight attendant! Bitch!

We didn't crash.
The pilot maintained communication with the ground.
The lady got to read until the seatbelt fasten sign was removed.


I totally would've been the kind of person who would've hated it 'cuz I was missing a great read, but I would've shut the thing off and waited without anything to read until we landed.

Which is why I prefer books. With pages.
So you can read wherever you want.

Unless you're like the lady that sat next to me on the plane. She reads wherever she wants to anyway.

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