Monday, July 18, 2011

"Wanna see my fishtank?" -- an euphemism for ???

I recently met up with my other 37 year old girlfriends going through divorce (it's so wild that there are so many of us!) and we started talking about online dating. Two of us had met our ex-husbands and/or current boyfriends online, and two of us met them through regular social means. And two of us are currently on an online dating site right now.

It seemed that online dating (the merits and demerits of it) would be a good topic to write about here, because it is something that a lot of women have had, or will have, some experience with. Also -- and especially because -- if you are a single mom, the chances of you going through the online dating experience probably quadruple, or something. I mean, if you are a single parent of small children .... are you going to go to a bar to pick up guys? Well. Maybe you are, but that's besides the point. The point is, online dating is becoming more and more prevalent and less and less taboo.

So when my lady friends came over, and we pillaged through the snacks everyone had brought, and we made ourselves drinks, and we settled into the living room, and we started laughing immediately about nipple size, blogs and small children ... also marbles -- I opened up the online dating topic.

I wanted to know what things attracted people to each other's profile pages. What packed what one woman called "Oompf" or, as she put it, said "Oooo! I wanna go out with *that* guy"?

I wanted to know what things were red flags for people looking through the ads. "Clearly, if someone puts that they are looking for 'honesty and no drama,' they have issues with those things. Because those are just a given in any relationship," said one 'member' of my 'divorce support group.'

I wanted to know how many messages do you send each other before meeting. What is the right amount? Do you message back and forth for a month? (Something I've personally done.) Or do you meet after only one message? (Something that one my friends has done.)

I also wanted to hear online dating horror stories .... but surprisingly I didn't get any. Instead we talked for hours about, among other things, how easy it is to get a boyfriend, about plastic fish -- "I wanna meet these women that drop their panties for a fake fish tank" -- if size really matters, or if it's the "usefulness" of his (points down there) -- "yes, and yes" -- and confirmed that it's "girth overall" that does it. For some of us anyway. Other topics: reasons for divorce, male role in society, penis preference, chemistry and whether it's instant or not, and that learning each other's grooves takes awhile. Also that "stiffy" has more than one definition.

Another question that came up:
"In anyone's experience, have you ever had a time where you're not that attracted to him at first but then somehow you find yourself really horny for them later?"
"Really? 'Cuz I've never .... "
"Well, sometimes there's maybe characteristics besides their face that ..."

It was a fabulous night full of connection with women and Divine Cupcakes, laughter, letting our hair down and support. Lot's of that. And while I didn't get the answers to my questions about dating across the generations, the merits of different dating sites over others, and what women are really looking for online, I did get to talk about porn and community and the beauty of male anatomy. Also to meet "Takes It Too Far Girl."


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