Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Coming Back Into Myself

I've made myself a cup of tea and I'm sitting down for an hour before needing to go to work. I'm working a double shift today, so we'll see how my energy levels go for the rest of the day.

Right now I'm feeling fairly upbeat. I've been battling some depression this week, so a respite now and again is nice.

I need to re-evaluate what brings me back to me. When I'm feeling discouraged or emotionally under the weather, what can I do to nurture myself?

Not enable myself to destructive habits, like eating cheese by the handful and staying up 'til 1:30a.m. watching Netflix movies -- which I've been doing. But really nurture myself. Like, a slow ritual of lighting a candle and deep breathing and stretching out like a languid cat. Burning incense and reading.

Or finding joy in art again. Going to a museum. Visiting friends.

Yes. I love journaling. And yes, I've been avoiding it lately. I definitely find myself when I journal. But if you are depressed and don't want to look too closely at yourself for fear of finding something you don't want to own up to, journaling is hard.

I just got off the phone with N. It was encouraging and ... peaceful. Talking things out with him is always salve on my wounds. Comforting.


My cup of tea is done, and this blog post didn't end up being very long because I got sucked into the BlogHer/Facebook vortex. Whups.

There are so many things whirling around in my head right now. One of the things N and I talked about today was me not saying the things on my mind because I fear confusing people (or worse, looking like a wastecase) when I say the complete opposite the next day -- or even a few hours later! But ...

... maybe -- in an effort to be more authentic and up to the moment (which is like "in the now" but more), I will start blogging the things I don't say.

We'll see.

It might get too fucked up in here.

I might rescind that plan.


I'm doing it already.

I said I was going to do something, but maybe I won't actually do it.


What about you? Do you always say what's on your mind?

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