Saturday, October 1, 2011
This post will just highlight my ever changing moods and frames of mind. I actually wrote this in my journal last night, but woke feeling different. Not totally, but you know, much-less-dramatic-than-at-night-when-you're-tired different.
I want to write a little about inspiration and -- NaBlPoMo. Which is strangely fun to say. I feel like I'm in sore need of some artistic influence -- enter NapBloPoMo. NaBloPoMo's (National Blog Posting Month's) theme this month is "Between." When I read that I knew I needed to play along. For realsies.
I am soooo in the in between spaces right now. Which is interesting because of Samhain, the Celtic New Year. (Halloween to many.) We are fast approaching this day of seasonal change. We're (I'm) on the cusp of a new year and new intentions and re-newed energy and letting go of stagnant air and sluggish energy.
I feel a recent desire to connect with estranged friends -- specifically one that I felt I'd abandoned without much closure -- and a restless, rustling energy to start life again after being dead. Which is also strange.
How can I be re-born in the dead of winter? When the days are still steadily getting shorter and shorter and suffocating in the dimming of the sun?
Why do I always feel like autumn is a time for new beginnings? Maybe it's nesting. Maybe it's in preparation for the cold dark months ahead. Maybe it's because I know I'll be depressed in the bleakness of February, so I'm rallying now.
But at any rate, I feel between right now. So this blogging exercise will be right up my alley.
Out of one thing,
My divorce is final,
but I'm not feeling fully engaged with my long distance boyfriend.
"One day at a time" feels like walking,
which is lovely,
but not like we're going anywhere yet.
Like we're taking a fabulous walk in the countryside crisp with leaves and fields of grass where dogs can run for miles with lolling tongues. We're talking and laughing and sharing an ice cream cone, but we're just walking in circles.
And I want us to explore over there,
by those trees
and by that creek
where the water laughs over rocks.
I know we'll get there eventually,
but right now we're still in these circles.
Around and around
On an invisible track.
The walk is energizing and just what I want, but I keep looking up wanting us to walk over there.
But it's not time yet.
The circle is where we live right now.
What if we walked a little faster maybe?
Or -- Let's try backwards.
Or what if we skipped in these circles?
And then this morning, I wake with all smiles.
I have a brilliant (BRILLIANT) conversation with N, and we are planning our next visit.
I will hopefully see him in three weeks. He finally has his own apartment.
This changes ... well ... not much actually. Lol. But still! Three weeks!
I'm full of spices and romance and fantasies and love.
I hope your day is too.